What Your Teacher is Thinking II: Back to School

Back in May, I took you on a quick journey into the mind of a typical American teacher in those closing weeks of the semester. Tomorrow the spring semester will begin at the high school where I teach, and although I’m sure many parents and students are unaware of this, most teachers actually have to report to work prior to the return of the students. Especially in schools like mine, where the semester break brings with it a whole new set of classes, rosters, and responsibilities. Tomorrow is, for all intents and purposes, another First Day of School.

But today, as we took part in workshops about teaching writing and examined a new evaluation system, no doubt many teachers’ minds drifted once or twice. So today, we’re going to journey into the thoughts of a hypothetical teacher to see what he or she may have been thinking the day before the students come on back…

Is this meeting over yet? I’ve got to get in my classroom and finish getting ready… gotta take down the student work from last semester, print out my syllabus…es… syllabuses? Syllabi? Is the plural of syllabus “syllabi?” That sounds right, but I’m just not sure. Um. I shall print out a syllabus per incoming student. Yes. That is what I shall do. I’ll print out these documents, along with the pretest I always give on the first day. If these kids are in English III, they should be able to adequately explain what a plot is by now, right? Especially the ones that I taught already, back when I was still teaching English I. I wonder how many of those I’ll have to teach again. I wonder if they’ll pay attention this time. This is a tougher class, we’re not going to spend weeks picking apart the DiCaprio Romeo and Juliet.

DiCaprio was good in Inception, wasn’t he? I mean, I’m not the guy’s biggest fan, but he held that movie together. Chris Nolan is just a hell of a director, honestly. I wonder if Inception is on Netflix streaming yet. Probably not. Oooh, but I can watch that documentary about backstage at Walt Disney World again. That was cool.

We’ve been going over this writing technique for a long time. I mean a really long time. Is there anybody left in the faculty who doesn’t get it? Sure, I can see taking this long explaining it to the students, but — crap, what did he just say? Everybody else is writing something down. What’s the assignment? Geez, he’s looking over here… okay, just write something. Anything. Doesn’t matter. Shopping list — I need Scotch tape, glue, loose leaf paper, eggs… Hmm. Ms. Edison is reading what she wrote down… Ah. “How I teach writing to my class.” That’s easy enough, I–

Oh man, he’s pointing at me.

Ahem.

…

Okay, that was easy enough. Sounded like I knew what I was talking about. Whew, I haven’t had to pull something out of my butt like that since I was in college. Heh. Remember that class? Geology. Why on Earth was I taking geology? I remember why I wasn’t paying attention in geology, though. I mean, who was I kidding, I didn’t know a hole in the ground from the hole in my–

What are they passing out? Oh, this is my roster. These are the kids I’m going to have in my room tomorrow. Let’s see… never heard of him, of him, of her, of — aw no, not him again. That little jackass was in my class in ninth grade, isn’t it somebody else’s turn to deal with him? Never heard of her, of him of… what’s this? Thirty-two students? Thirty-two? And that’s the same as I have in my second period, too! I’ve only got thirty desks! And it’s not like I’ve exactly got room to put in more. What, should I get them to sit on each other’s laps? Man, I’m going to have to start going around until I find somebody who has extra desks, which nobody ever does. I feel like a Dickensian waif, knocking on doors asking for desks like that. Maybe I can dress up like that rabbit in the Muppet version and sing on their stoops until they throw desks at me.

This meeting still isn’t over.

Is there any Christmas candy left at home? There’s nothing sadder than when you eat the last of the Christmas candy. Even taking down the decorations. That’s like the final signal that the holidays are over and it’s time to get back to the grind. That and waking up at 5 a.m. so you can make it to work. Human beings should not be awake at that time. What’s up with those people who get up at 4 to jog? Okay, good for them for wanting to stay in shape, but what’s the point of living longer if you’ve got to wake up at 4 a.m. to do it?

Whew — meeting over. Gotta go get this class together before the kids show up tomorrow.

…

Syllabi. Almost sure of it.

Teachers! Play Parental Contact Bingo!

Parental contact is an important part of a teacher’s job. But after you’ve made a thousand calls, you start to hear the same things over and over. But there’s hope! Now you can spice up your calls home with a game of…

RULES:

1. At the beginning of each semester, each teacher starts with a blank card. Stamp each box as the teacher hears that particular comment from a parent.
2. Quotes need not be verbatim to count.
3. All gender-specific terms count if the opposite gender is invoked.

Time Travel Tuesdays: Public Education and Major League Baseball

So I get home from school today, ready to post this week’s “Time Travel Tuesday,” and started to sift through my old columns to find one worth presenting. To my amusement, I found this piece that I wrote some four years before I taught my first class — which just goes to show you that sometimes I’m so right I even amaze myself.

August 31, 2002

Public Education and Major League Baseball

I don’t think that anyone will be particularly surprised by the point of this column, but just in case the Think About It Legal Team has advised me to begin with the following disclaimer:

Warning — this week’s column could be found shocking and offensive to anyone with the perceptive abilities of a kumquat.

Everybody got that? Good. Because I’m about to annoy a lot of people, but this is really something that needs to be said.

I was brought to this point by something that occurred while shopping at a local grocery establishment. (The Think About It Legal Team had advised me that we were running low on cheese-flavored popcorn.) While wandering the aisles I happened to pass a pair of women, presumably mothers, having a conversation. Now being the gentleman that I am I tried to avert my ears so as not to be intrusive, but this proved difficult because A) they were speaking quite loudly and B) I am a writer and, by genetic dictation, incurably curious. Okay, nosy.

One of the mothers was whining at the top of her lungs about how much homework her kid had. “I’m sorry, but I don’t send my kid to school for seven hours so he can come home and do two hours of homework a night,” was her well-reasoned argument. I continued to walk — in fact, I picked up the pace — because I felt quite certain that the next words out of her mouth would be to vivisect her child’s teacher as a horrible, dictatorial, rabid tyrant with poor fashion sense, and if she had started that up I may well have turned around and slugged her.

I’m really sick of hearing people bag on teachers, folks. I’m tired of people who complain about the people in this society who perform the most important job for the least amount of respect, of the people who don’t seem to think that a seriously altruistic mindset is needed to become a teacher in the first place because God knows they don’t do it for the money, of the parents who will side with their kids when a good teacher is just trying to get the child to stop attempting to carve swear words into his desk or, frequently, his neighbor, and just get the blasted kid to read “Superfudge.”

“Oh YEAH, Mr. Petit?” I can hear the critics shout. “What do YOU know about it? Do YOU have any kids? Do YOU have to go to parent-teacher conferences? Do YOU have to drop ‘em off at soccer practice while they’re trying to remember the capital of North Montana? HUH?”

No, Mr. Critic, I am not a parent. However, I do have parents, and one of ‘em is a teacher. So shut up. Jerkweed.

For years now I’ve observed both sides of the spectrum, as a student and as someone who is close to several teachers. I know that teachers often spend their own money on the supplies they need to keep your kids from still sounding out the big words at the age of 30. I’ve got a friend who teaches music that spent a large chunk of this summer cleaning and painting her classroom, battling the giant Mold Monsters from Venus that had invaded her ventilation system and carry a whole new array of diseases we’ll never find cures for because the future scientists of America are too busy drawing dirty cartoons in their biology books.

I’ve seen what good teachers do, and I’ve seen people poke ‘em in the eye for it. (And don’t even get me started on people who spout that “they only work nine months out of the year” garbage).

By contrast, let’s look at the current situation with Major League Baseball. By yesterday they either decided to go on strike or not go on strike and frankly, I don’t care either way at this point because I find it difficult to sympathize.

There are two major factors to consider here. On the one hand, it would seem quite fair for the player’s salaries to be dictated not by upper management but by the demands of the free market, skill and draw being rewarded accordingly. On the other hand, even the lowest-rung MLB player is making $200,000 a year to play BASEBALL for God’s sake, so stop your whining and be grateful you’re not being forced to CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY YOU ARROGANT, SPOILED BRATS!

Like I said, two sides.

So here’s my proposal — let’s take the money that would be spent on Major League Baseball and dump it into the schools. In addition to teacher raises I also suggest we sandblast the desks, hire G.I. Joe to infiltrate campus and wipe out the Mold Monsters from Venus and outfit each classroom with restraints because maybe if certain parents had taught their kids to sit still and pay attention in the first place they wouldn’t need two hours of work a night to retain what they should have learned that day anyway.

Blake M. Petit can’t wait to see the letters he gets on this one. Contact him with comments, suggestions or Mold Monster repellent atBlakeMPetit@gmail.com

Evertime Realms: Beginning Year Three

Hey, everyone. It’s that time again, it’s the two-year anniversary of the launch of the modern incarnation of Evertime Realms, and again, the website has continued to evolve over the past year. The introduction of Time Travel Tuesdays has been fun, and the launch of my (second) podcast, the Evercast, has given me plenty of work but has me very excited for a project I hope to kick off in just a few weeks.

But today, I thought it would be fun to go back and do what I did last year, and give you a list of the top ten articles from Evertime Realms over the past two years. Although there are holdovers, list has changed up quite a bit, which is probably a good thing. In descending order…

10. Halloween Party: Mickey’s House of Villains – In the first Halloween Party after I moved shop here to the ‘Realms, I reviewed this direct-to-DVD Disney film based on the old House of Mouse TV show. Over the past year, people have continued to visit this old review, and it’s moved into the #10 spot on my list.

9. Toy Stories: Haven’t I Seen You Somewhere Before? – This photoblog from April of 2009 has climbed into the #9 spot. In this feature, one of my “Toy Stories” series, I looked at different versions of the same character, and compared different paints and different sculpts side-by-side.

8. Toy Stories: DC Universe Infinite Heroes-Lotsa Toys – Another “Toy Stories” feature from December 2008. This was kind of a catch-all feature for me. I’d gotten a lot of figures in the time between Halloween and Christmas, but hadn’t gotten around to doing a photo feature on them. On Dec. 30, I covered them all at once.

7. DC Universe Infinite Heroes – The prototype of the “Toy Stories” features was this post I made just after I discovered the existence of the toy line. It shows the first three Infinite Heroes figures I got, and I think it shows that although I’m not a great photographer, I’ve at least improved.

6. LEGO Batman and Mini-Nightwing – This post from September 2008 showcased some of the McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys that were released to accompany the premiere of the LEGO Batman video game, as well as a Mini-Mate set featuring Nightwing and Starfire.

5. Kanye West Hates Reading – This post, which I made just days before last year’s list but had already secured a spot in the top 10, followed a few days after the noted scholar Kanye West made some comments about how worthless and useless books are… comments made as he was preparing to release his own “book.” My thoughts on worthlessness are similiar, when you apply them to Kanye.

4. What Your Teacher is Really Thinking – The most recent post on the list clocks in at number four. Just under a month ago, in a moment of exhaustion, I put together this feature telling you the truth about what we teachers really think while the students are hard at work.

3. Halloween Party: Who You Gonna Call? – The last “Toy Stories” feature in this list, I promise. During the 2009 Halloween party, I did this feature about a set of Ghostbusters Mini-Mates. The continued popularity of this feature proves something of great importance: people still realize that the Ghostbusters kick ass.

2. What I’m Reading: Sheldon – This post from my first week online is still holding onto the #2 spot two years later, and all the credit belongs to Dave Kellett. I used the post to talk about how much I love Kellett’s webcomic, Sheldon. Less than an hour later, Kellett had posted a link to my blog post from his own website, and his legion of fans checked it out. It was my first exposure to a shocking increase in my views for the day.

1. Where I Find Free eBooks – Going back to February of this year we find the post that has overshadowed all others on this site, garnering some 10,000 more views than the #2 post on this list. (Not a typo — TEN THOUSAND.) As a Kindle owner, I’ve made it a mission to hunt down different websites where I can find free (legal) eBook content. In February I listed some of those sites, and that blog post caught on like wildfire.

Come back next summer, gang, and I’ll give you the top ten list Mark III.

What your teacher is really thinking…

Today was my first day back at work after my (unfortunately late) Spring Break, and you can feel that there’s only a few weeks left in the school year. Students and teachers alike are struggling with that sensation that the end of the year is rapidly approaching, and students and teachers alike are finding it hard to concentrate.

So today, as a special little secret just between you and me, I’m going to tell you what your teacher is really thinking in those “down” moments. At those times when you, as a student, are taking a test, or writing an entry in your classroom journal, or doing virtually anything else that doesn’t require any immediate action from the teacher beyond monitoring the room and making sure nothing catches on fire.

It varies from person to person, of course, because contrary to what many students will have you believe, teachers are organic human beings with different wants, desires, needs, and personalities, and not just mindless automatons that synch up their brains to the schoolboard mainframe and curl up under their desks from 2:30 in the afternoon until 7 o’clock the following morning. So this is the thought process of a purely hypothetical teacher… say ninth grade… English… tired… on the day of a test.

Okay, test papers are handed out. Told thirteen different kids today’s date, which is written on the board in the same place it has been since August. Gave pencils to five of them. Okay, so now I just walk around to make sure nobody is cheating or– oh, geez, Cindy’s hand is up. She’s going to ask me a question that any reasonable human being could find the answer to without a bit of help. Yes, Cindy, today is the third. Yes, write it where it says “date.” Yes, answer all of the questions. Okay, sixty minutes left until the test period is over.

Let’s see, once I’ve got this test graded I’ll have four test grades for the marking period, which means I just need two more to do an average for the class. That’s a relief, I was worried for a while there I wouldn’t be able to fit enough tests in. The kids complain about too many tests, but they should know we don’t actually have any control over that. We don’t have control over a lot of things. The mold, for instance. How many times now have I asked for someone to change that ceiling tile? I didn’t think any of those colors could be found in nature. The kids complain to me as if I can do anything about it. I don’t know where the extra tiles are, and even if I did–

What? No, Cindy, “Montague” is spelled correctly. Yes, I’m sure. No, I can’t tell you if the Montagues are Romeo’s family or Juliet’s. This is a test, you should know by now.

Where was I? Oh, right, theceiling. I wonder what they would say if I just took the tile off and left a hole in the ceiling. And then put a cat up there. Heh. “Ceiling cat is watching you matriculate.” Yeah, that’d be funny. Then I would spend the rest of the semester explaining that joke to people. Maybe not.

I wonder what the rest of the guys are doing this weekend. The Losers is opening this weekend,  I wonder if everyone else would want to see that. Can’t really talk about that with the kids, they’d start using it to insult each other. Or me. Not that I particularly care, but once one of ‘em starts it’s like a chain reaction, and they still won’t let me have a taser. If they could spend five minutes in this class–

No, Tony, I didn’t see the wrestling match last night. Which has nothing to do with Romeo and Juliet, so please be quiet and get back to work.

What was I thinking?

I forget.

…

Mahna Mahna! Doot dooooo-do-dooo-doot!Mahna Mahna! Doot dooo-deet-doot!

That was a great episode of Lost last night. I nearly plotzed when they started playing that Willy Wonka music in the end credits. That guy who was talking about a Lost/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory connection on the internet is an absolute genius. I’m gonna have to remember to blog about that when I get home.

Huh. Chad got number fifteen right. Good for him, that was a tough one. Maybe it’s finally sinking in that he can’t pass this class if he doesn’t start studying.

Cindy’s been on number twelve for a long time now. She’s just staring at it. Now she’s looking up. Now she — OH MY GOD SHE SAW ME DON’T LOOK DON’T LOOK DON’T LOOK IF YOU DON’T LOOK IT IN THE EYE IT HAS NO POWER OVER YOU AND aaaaaaw, crap, her hand is up.

No, Cindy, I promise you, one of those four answers is correct. Because I wrote the question, that’s how. No, I can’t tell you what that word means, this is a test. Use your context clues. Context clues. CON-TEXT.

Joel is already finished? He must have skipped the essay questions again. when are these kids going to realize that’s twenty percent of the test right there? That means if they get more than five multiple choice or three of the short answer wrong, they automatically fail. It’s simple math. I think it’s simple. Oh geez, what if I got the point values on the test wrong again? Okay, no big deal. Let’s just nonchalantly mosey on over to my desk so I can look at a copy… part one worth 60 points… part two worth 20 points… essay questions worth 20 points. Six… two… two… yeah, that adds up to a hundred. Okay, the point values are right.

I know these guys don’t like Shakespeare, but that’s fine. I didn’t really start to appreciate him until college. Maybe if I could show them some videos besides just the film of Romeo and Juliet. The Reduced Shakespeare Company, for instance. Or that episode of Doctor Who where he met Shakespeare.

The new season of Doctor Who has been awesome. I didn’t think Matt Smith could match David Tennant, but he’s been great. And he and Karen Gillan have great chemistry together.

Karen Gillan is hot. There, I said it. We were all thinking it, someone had to say it.

Oh geez, Cindy put your hand down. You know I can’t answer questions like that during a te–

What?

Oh. Okay. Here’s the bathroom pass. Sorry about that.

:sigh:

Fifty-two minutes and seventeen seconds left.

Sixteen.

Fifteen.

…

Karen Gillan is hot.

…

Eleven.

More of Where I Go Online: Thom Zahler, Cakewrecks, Toycutter and The Anonymous Teacher

It’s been a while since I did one of these posts, but I thought it would be nice to update you guys on some of the websites that have crept onto my radar in recent months and become regular visits for me. This is the stuff that is occupying my time when I should be writing, grading tests, or otherwise having normal social contact with other human beings. I know. I’m appalled too.

Thom Zahler, creator of the greatest comic book you haven’t read yet, Love and Capes, also maintains the creatively-titled Thom Zahler Weblog. Much of the site is Love and Capes-related content, including sneak previews, sketches, and general commentary about the creation of the comic. As a true lover of the comic, that would be more than enough. But Zahler also shares other pieces of art — commissions from readers, commercial art he’s created for other people, and so forth. Along with the occasional more personal post, it’s a wonderful sight with a great insight into one of my favorite comic creators in the biz.

Erin and my sister both recommended this site to me: Cakewrecks.com. On this site, people submit photographs of truly disastrous attempts at cake decoration. There’s a caveat, though — these are ostensibly all professional jobs, cakes made for sale, and not the result of an amateur decorator screwing up in the kitchen. Some of the cakes are funny because of how hideous they are, some have amusing misspellings or misquotations, and some are simply horrific because you can’t believe any human being would actually request such a thing. Jen, the site’s esteemed hostess, provides commentary that’s even funnier than the cakes themselves. It’s a great site.

I’ve also become quite a fan of Toycutter.com. On this blog, readers submit photographs of custom-made toys and action figures. Some of the work is incredibly impressive, and when the creator shares the how-to process behind the toys, it’s even more amazing. It’s similar to the Vinylnation.net website I’ve mentioned here before, which is a site dedicated to the Disney Vinylmation toy line, and includes a section of custom figures, including (currently) four by my own sister, Heather.

And finally, here’s a site for all of my compatriots in the world of Academia. The Anonymous Teacher is a pretty new site crafted by a friend of mine to allow teachers to get together and share horror stories, funny stories, inspiring stories — basically the stories about what it’s really like to be a teacher that most of you never really hear as a parent or student. The site has only been online for a few weeks, so it’s still building a backlog of stories, but if you’ve ever been a teacher or ever had a teacher, check it out and see some of the adventures and misadventures our country’s fine educators have had to experience.

Today’s important developments:

1. I called the DMV to get word that they did, in fact, receive a fax informing them that the car I drove in 2005 was totaled, which is why I stopped paying for the insurance, so could they please let me renew my driver’s license now?

2. My honors class sang “Happy birthday” to me when I walked in the room. I was so touched I didn’t even mention anything about the RIAA or copyright infringement. It was really very sweet.

3. I raced to the DMV to get my license renewed before they closed. The otherwise very nice woman there temporarily had lost the fax. You see, this is the culmination of a three week ordeal that began with my attempt to renew my license before school started again. I was told there was an insurance block due to the failure to pay insurance on a car that no longer existed, as it was totaled in 2005 by someone who doesn’t know what a “YIELD” sign is. So I had to get proof it was totaled from an insurance company my State Farm rep had never heard of before. Then I attempted to clear this up with that “statement of loss” they sent me, only to be told that she forgot to include the VIN number. Then I tried again, only to be told she gave me the WRONG VIN number. Then came today. So the very nice woman looked for the latest fax while I wondered if I snapped and started assaulting people with the driver’s license camera, would it make it to CNN? Then she found it and renewed my license, so I let her live.

4. I attended the first night of the last class I need to get my full teaching certification.

5. I was made aware of a new website that I’m sure will be highly awesome, The Anonymous Teacher. I’m sure you can guess what this is all about.

6. I got home to find nearly 100 Facebook posts waiting for me. I swear, before the computer age, no one EVER got wished a happy birthday this often.

7. I combined assorted monetary and gift card donations related to today’s date and finally, finally ordered that Amazon Kindle I’ve been harping about for months. No doubt once I actually have it in my hands, I’ll start harping on a whole different level.

8. My grandmother called and sang Happy Birthday to me. It wouldn’t be today if she didn’t.

Kanye West hates reading

I got home late tonight. I didn’t think I was going to have time for a blog post. You see, I spent the evening at a high school graduation — not for my kids, not for my relatives, certainly not for myself. For students. A few of them were mine, but as I teach ninth grade and most of these kids were in tenth grade when I started at this school, there were very few I ever had in my own classroom. Still, I managed to talk to a couple of them that I did know, and I was pretty proud to see them pick up their diplomas. Thinking that I had even the smallest part to play in that is one of the proudest moments of my entire life.

So I get home and I check my e-mail and Twitter messages, planning to go to bed, only to come across this little news article that is bound to make my job a little harder soon.

“Proud non-reader Kanye West pens a (short) book”

I don’t like Kanye West. I never have. It’s not just because his kind of music isn’t what I like — although that is the case — but more because every time he opens his mouth in the public area he says something so outrageously stupid and ignorant that it baffles me how many people waste money supporting him. Now this guy, this musician that I promise you a large percentage of the kids I try desperately every day of my life to get to pick up a book listen to on a regular basis, comes out trashing books in general.

“I am a proud non-reader of books,” Kanye says. “I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life.”

Nothing wrong with a little life experience, Kanye. But let’s say your “real life” involves someone having a critical disease and there’s a desperate race to find a cure. Where do you think the doctors find their information they need to save someone’s life?

From books.

Your country, Kanye, the one you’ve felt free to trash on multiple occasions, is currently embroiled in two military actions. How do you think the generals and strategists and policy makers got the knowledge they need to have any hope of victory?

Books.

Hey, Kanye? As a musician, I’m going to assume that you actually use — y’know — music. Sheet music, to be precice. Guess where people learn how to read and write music?

C’mon. Guess.

Of course, these people all need practical experience, but all the practical experience in the world doesn’t mean a damn if they don’t have the knowledge base necessary to use that experience. This is the fight I have (and I use “fight” in the context of “struggle,” Kanye, not in the context of throwing punches or whipping out guns. “Context” is also something I learned from books.) with kids who don’t understand why we’re reading The Odyssey or Romeo and Juliet or the poetry of Emily Dickinson. Do I really think it will matter in their life, ten years from now, if they understand what William Wordsworth meant when he wrote “I wandered lonely as a cloud”?

Of course not.

But if a kid can read that poem and understand it, that sir is a skill. And skills can be transferred and applied to other things. If you can understand Shakespeare, it will help you if you try to understand a medical journal. It will be there when your car breaks down and you need a manual to fix it because you can’t afford a mechanic. It will protect you if some sleazy record executive tries to get you to sign your life away on a shoddy contract that he’s hoping you won’t be smart enough to understand.

But I’ll say this, and the kids in my class will hear this, shrug their shoulders, and say, “Kanye doesn’t need to read.”

Kanye goes on to say, “I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.”

I really hope this is an accurate quote. I can only imagine that, if Kanye had ever bothered to pick up a book, he would understand that they can’t actually write.

Two more points that really burn me about this. First of all, this news comes out as Kanye decides to promote — wait for it — his own new book. Well… I suppose it’s a book in the publishing sense. I don’t know that I’d count a 52-page volume that includes blank and sparsely-written pages a “book,” but Kanye does. Not only does Kanye consider this a book, in fact, but he needed help to write it. It’s a collection of his “thoughts and theories.”

I’m going to avoid the obvious joke and just point out the sheer audacity of this man, tearing apart the medium that helped pull mankind out of the stone age while simultaneously shilling his slender little tome that joins the ranks of such literary giants as Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, and David Hasselhoff on the shelves that should be labelled “Books that wouldn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of being published if the author wasn’t a celebrity and we know stupid people will buy them.”

The last thing? The thing that wounds most of all? Kanye has dedicated the book to his late mother — which, in and of itself, is a sweet enough thing to do and I don’t begrudge him that. The thing is, Ma West was… yep. A University English Professor. That is, before she taught him (and again I quote) “to believe in my flyness and conquer my shyness.”

Yep. Wow, Kanye. Mom must be proud. Go ahead and roll in the cash you’ll get from this “book” you conjured up. I’m sure it keeps you warm at night. When I go to bed, I’ll remember the kids I saw walk across the stage tonight — the one who struggled until he broke a “B” in my class and then smiled as wide as the sky itself. The one who came to me — even though she’d never been in my class — asking me to proofread her final term paper and asking my advice. The one who got in trouble her first year, the girl we were afraid would get expelled, who managed to turn her life around and graduate on time, and with true pride.

I guarantee you, Kanye, I may never have your cash, but you’ll never know the feeling I got from watching these kids and glimpsing the bright futures I helped — at least a little bit — to create. And I promise you, every one of them got there with the help of a book or two.

Universal Rule of the Universe #55

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #55

A teacher never feels as appreciated as the day after a sick day when the students had a substitute they didn’t like.

Read the other 54 rules here.

Universal Rule of the Universe #53

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #53:

Outside of medical professionals, teachers have the highest germ exposure of any major profession. They basically work in giant Petri dishes.

Now that you’ve read the rule, I’m sure you can surmise why I don’t have a more substantive post tonight.