Conversations With Erin in Vegas: Breakfast

Like all decent hotels across the fruited plain, the one where Erin and I are staying with some help from our friend AJ (thanks, buddy!) offers a complimentary breakfast. Unlike many other hotels, ours comes equipped with a large number of teenagers here for what appears to be a volleyball tournament. The following conversation was had at breakfast this morning.*

ME: Okay, so I was getting some orange juice, and I pulled the handle on the jug and it said “citrus.” And I thought, it’s kind of odd that they would limit what they could put in the jug like that. Then I realized it actually said “Curtis.”

ERIN: (Stares Blankly)

ME: What?

ERIN: You’re adorkable.

(We observe the vollyball kids.)

ERIN: Ah, the mating habits of the American teenager.

ME: I guess I’ve gotten acclimated to it. Like Jane Goodall among the chimps.

ERIN: Do your kids wear popped collars like that?

ME: Not many collars at my school.

ERIN: Good. How about skinny jeans tucked into Ugg boots?

ME: They wear uniforms, so no jeans. They do wear the boots, though.

ERIN: So she walks around with khaki pants tucked into her boots?

ME: Yep.

ERIN: Doesn’t that look stupid?

ME: Extremely.

ERIN: Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll get to see a Volleyball Fight. You know, like the knife fight in Beat It, except instead of throwing knives, they’ll throw volleyballs.

ME: (Stares blankly.)

ERIN: What?

ME: And I say weird things.

* Conversations are not transcribed verbatim. They are altered for length, to provide appropriate context, and to make them funnier whenever necessary. Frankly, all you can count on in these posts is that at some point, I had a conversation with somebody about some subject.


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