My sister, Heather, is having a baby in October. My girlfriend, Erin, instructed me to offer our collective service as a babysitter.
Me: Erin wanted me to let you know we’ll watch the baby so you and Will can go out.
Heather: She’ll be there?
Heather: Because I’m not letting you watch it by yourself.
Me: Gee, thanks.
Heather: Well no offense, but you seem kind of awkward around kids.
Me: I’m a TEACHER!
Conversations are not transcribed verbatim. They are altered for length, to provide appropriate context, and to make them funnier whenever necessary. Frankly, all you can count on in these posts is that at some point, I had a conversation with somebody about some subject.