Ah, the joys of teaching. I took one of my classes to the school computer lab today, the intention being to take an aptitude test.
I present to you now a sampling of conversations that should give you an idea of the results:
STUDENT: (Staring blankly at the computer screen) What I gotta do?
ME: (Having told six different students what to do already) Did you read the instructions?
STUDENT: What instructions?
ME: (Pointing to the huge block letters at the top of the screen that say “INSTRUCTIONS.”) Why don’t you start here?
STUDENT: How do I find out what I made?
ME: Okay, click on the “Complete” link and wait for a bar to appear at the top of the screen. Okay, there it is. At the top. The top. Up. UP. You’re at the BOTTOM, that’s the OPPOSITE of the top…
STUDENT: Do I gotta do this part?
ME: You have to answer every question.
STUDENT: But it’s MATH!
ME: I know, the test is trying to find your strengths.
STUDENT: Do you have a calculator?
ME: (I look at the first problem. It’s “31+7.”) No. No, I do not.
STUDENT: What’s this word?
STUDENT: What’s that mean?
ME: It’s a vocabulary quiz, I can’t tell you that.
STUDENT: WHY NOT???
Ignore that low, rhythmic thudding sound. It’s just me beating my head against the wall.
Conversations are not transcribed verbatim. They are altered for length, to provide appropriate context, and to make them funnier whenever necessary. Frankly, all you can count on in these posts is that at some point, I had a conversation with somebody about some subject.