Archive for April 15th, 2011


I HATE this commercial…

Anybody remember how long it’s been since I did an “I HATE this commercial” bit? A while, yes. I guess I’ve been lucky, it’s been quite a while since a commercial struck me as outrageously stupid enough to feature here.

Thanks, Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

If you haven’t seen this commercial… well… click on the video above. Geez, how lazy are you? Anyway, we’ve got two girls wearing headphones and listening to ridiculously loud music. One of them says to the camera, “There’s nothing we love more than listening to our favorite songs.”

The second girl repeats, “There’s nothing we love more than listening to our favorite songs.”

Girl #1 continues: “But our favorite thing is eating Totino’s Pizza Rolls.”

Girl #2 chimes in: “But our favorite thing is eating Totino’s Pizza Rolls.”

Where to begin with how stupid this commercial is?

First of all, the girls flatly contradict themselves. If listening to their favorite songs is the thing they love the most, than the consumption of tiny pockets of radioactive pizza-style filling cannot be their favorite thing. If X equals Y but does not equal Z, than Y cannot equal Z. I’m sure a mathematician can tell us what this particular theorem is called, but we don’t need the name to agree on it.

Second, WHY IS THE SECOND GIRL REPEATING THE FIRST ONE? Are we supposed to assume that the music they’re listening to, a cover of the 30-year-old song “Kids in America,” is so loud that Girl #2 cannot hear what Girl #1 is saying, especially since they’re both wearing headphones that every other “kid in America” threw out the window the minute they discovered earbuds? And if that is, in fact the case, and if Girl #2 does, in fact, agree with everything Girl #1 says, are they so joined at the brain that she repeats her idiot friend verbatim?

Is that what you want us to believe, Totino’s?

So take note, parents. The real message of this commercial? Totino’s kills brain cells. And tell your kids to turn down that damn music.

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