Archive for the 'Universal Rules of the Universe' Category

14
Dec
12

Universal Rule of the Universe #78:

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #78

Sometimes the express lane just isn’t fast enough. Stores should have a “Super-Duper Express Lane” for those customers wearing anxious expressions and buying nothing but a bottle of Pepto-Bismol.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

12
Jun
12

Universal Rule of the Universe #77

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #77

If you sit in the middle of the aisles in a bookstore, reading books you have no intention of buying, when the bookstore itself has kindly provided numerous desks, tables, and armchairs, then you forfeit your right to complain if a paying customer “accidentally” kicks you in the face when I’m leaning over you to reach the latest Rick Riordan novel.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

16
Sep
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #76

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #76

76. When you kick your good friend Sleep out the door far too early five days in a row, don’t be surprised on a Friday afternoon when he mugs your ass and leaves you for dead.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

20
Aug
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #75

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #75

75. If someone is basing their plans on your availability, and that availability changes, TELL THEM. Or don’t be mad when you show up three hour late and they’ve eaten your dinner and are waiting to hit you in the genitals with a baseball bat.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

23
Jun
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #74

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #74

74. The next time you think to yourself, “such a small detail can’t possibly make a difference,” stop and FIX IT. Because yes, it can.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

31
May
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #73

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #73

73. People who flip out over the first announcement of many are probably the same ones that quit reading books after the first chapter if they don’t already know every damn detail.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

21
Apr
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #72

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #72

72. Kids should get tokens for naps they don’t want to take, which would be redeemable as adults for all those time we wants naps and don’t have the time. Also, I’m sleepy.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

02
Apr
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #71

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #71

71. If I buy something from your website, you don’t need to start sending me your paper catalog. I no longer need paper catalogs. I have the internet.

(I’m lookin’ at you, Oriental Trading.)

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

 

29
Mar
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #70

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #70

70. Illegal downloading is wrong. But Disney making people who want a digital copy of Tangled, Tron: Legacy or A Christmas Carol pay for a 3-D version that will look like crap on their home television sets in order to get the digital copy is not going to convince anybody of this.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!

21
Jan
11

Universal Rule of the Universe #69

Blake’s Universal Rule of the Universe #69

69. Students and teachers often disagree, but both demographics will rank “as soon as the bell rings on Friday afternoon” as the best time of the average week.

Read the rest of the Universal Rules of the Universe right here!




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