Posts Tagged ‘Halloween


Mutants, Monsters and Madmen-NOW AVAILABLE!

Last year, you guys may remember that I spent the entire month of October watching and talking about assorted scary movies, chronologically tracing the evolution of horror films from the 1920s up until the present day. I really enjoyed that little project and I think a lot of you did too. And now, as Halloween approaches again, I’m ready to launch the next stage of that project, my new eBook Reel to Reel: Mutants, Monsters and Madmen.

This eBook collects the 35 essays I wrote last year, plus five brand-new ones written just for this collection. Over the course of this book, I look at how the things that scare us have grown and evolved over the last century, dishing on some of the greatest, most influential and most memorable scary movies ever made. This eBook, available now for a mere $2.99, is hopefully going to be the first in a series, in which I’ll tackle different cinematic topics the same way.

If you read the essays last year, check this one out and enjoy the new ones. If you haven’t read any of them, dive in now for the first time. And tell all of your horror movie-loving friends about it as well! After all, the reason I decided to write this book in the first place is because I wanted to read a book like this one, but I just couldn’t find one. The market is out there, friends. Help us find each other.

(And lest I forget, thanks to Heather Petit Keller for the cover design!)

You can get the book now in the following online stores: (for your Kindle or Kindle app) (for every other eBook reader)

And in case you’re wondering, the movies covered in this book include:

*The Golem (1920)
*Nosferatu (1922)
*The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
*Dracula (1931)
*Frankenstein (1931)
*The Mummy (1932)
*Freaks (1932)
*Cat People (1942)
*The Fly (1958)
*Peeping Tom (1960)
*Psycho (1960)
*Edgar Allen Poe’s Tales of Terror (1962-New in this edition!)
*Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
*The Haunting (1963)
*The Birds (1963-New in this edition!)
*Wait Until Dark (1967)
*Night of the Living Dead (1968)
*Last House on the Left (1972)
*The Exorcist (1973)
*The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
*Jaws (1975)
*Carrie (1976)
*Suspiria (1977)
*Halloween (1978)
*Alien (1979)
*The Shining (1980)
*Friday the 13th (1980)
*The Evil Dead (1981)
*Poltergeist (1982)
*The Thing (1982)
*A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
*Return of the Living Dead (1985)
*Hellraiser (1987-New to this edition!)
*Child’s Play (1988-New to this edition!)
*Misery (1990)
*Scream (1996)
*Ringu (1998)
*The Blair Witch Project (1999)
*Saw (2004)
*The Cabin in the Woods (2012-New to this edition!)


Tales of the Curtain (Evercast #36)

Greetings, friends! Tomorrow is Halloween, and I’ve got a little treat for you here in this BONUS episode of the Evercast! I’ve launched an all-new writing experiment at Tales of the, and this special Evercast will give you a special presentation of what amounts to the prologue of that new venture. At exactly 8 a.m. GMT on Oct. 15, creatures from nightmare begin to strike innocent people all over the world. Where did they come from? Why are they striking now? Those are the questions the Tales of the Curtain will try to answer. Listen in, join me twice a week at Tales of the for new installments of the story, and have a very Happy Halloween!

Tales of the Curtain (Evercast #36)

Theme music by Jeff Hendricks. Evercast logo by Heather Petit-Keller.

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Halloween Party: Ghostopolis

If you’ve heard of Doug TenNapel, it could be because of his classic video game creation Earthworm Jim, but in the last few years he’s really become a force in making original graphic novels. From Creature Tech to Black Cherry to Tommysaurus Rex, TenNapel has become a favorite of mine. His newest book, a graphic novel for young readers, came out earlier this year from Scholastic Publishing’s Graphix imprint. It’s a nice little tale perfect for the Halloween season, and it may be his best work yet.

Ghostopolis takes us into the world of Garth Hale, a young man who has been diagnosed with an incurable — and eventually fatal — illness. As Garth  and his mother try to come to grips with his fate, they run across Frank Gallows, special agent of the Supernatural Immigration Task Force. Gallows’ job is to find ghosts in the world of the living and “deport” them back to the afterlife. When Frank accidentally sends Garth to the afterlife along with a ghost horse, he’s got to head into the land of the dead himself to bring the boy home. Along the way we run into a plethora of characters, including Garth’s grandfather, a ghost who has a history with Frank, and a ruler of the dead who has turned the afterlife into less than it used to be.

This book may just be TenNapel‘s masterpiece. Garth’s story is incredibly emotionally mature, dealing with themes of mortality and spirituality in a way that’s not going to frighten children, but at the same time, will give them something to ponder in an intelligent fashion. His vision of the afterlife, as well, is really fresh and original. It’s an amazing landscape populated with powerful, evocative characters, most of whom have a fully fleshed out backstory and character arc that run alongside Garth and Gallows flawlessly.

TenNapel‘s artwork, meanwhile, is fantastic. His human characters have an iconic, animated feel that makes them seem like they’d be perfect in a movie, while the monsters and other inhuman entities have wildly imaginative designs. Although most of TenNapel‘s previous graphic novels have been in black and white, and this artwork probably would have worked just fine in that format, a substantial team of colorists have given his pages even more life and power than his previous books.

This is a fantastic graphic novel, something totally original and totally worthy of a place on your bookshelf. Get it for your older kids, but read it yourself too.


Classic EBI #187: Creepy Crawly Comics

With Halloween just days away, friends, it’s time for my annual roundup of Halloween comics in Everything But Imaginary. You can check out all the 2010 happenings right here:

Everything But Imaginary #372: This is Halloween

But in this week’s Classic EBI, let’s go back to 2006, when I took a look at Halloween offerings for that year, shall we? It’s October 25, 2006, and we’re looking at…

Everything But Imaginary #187: Creepy Crawly Comics

It’s time, friends, for another Everything But Imaginary Global Headquarters Halloween discussion. I love Halloween, and I’ve spent the entire month of October trying to put together as much Halloween content as possible, from special columns to movie and book reviews. Why, last weekend I even lost my mind to the degree that I spent an entire 48-hour block watching and reviewing all eleven Friday the 13th movies (that’s 48 hours minus time for sleeping, eating and – on rare occasions – emptying the ol’ “Crystal Lake”), six of which I had never seen before.

Halloween and Christmas are, to me, the two holidays richest in story potential. (Let’s face it, Here Comes Peter Cottontail was not among Rankin-Bass’s greatest achievements, and I don’t even want to get into It’s Arbor Day, Charlie Brown.) But there are billions of Christmas movies, TV specials, songs and comics. Halloween is a bit different. There are still lots of stories told about the holiday, but even a story with no direct connection to October 31, if sufficiently creepy, can be enough to get you into the proper mood. That’s why so many horror movies come out in October, why you see monster movies on television, and why you get comics with creepy connotations.

That in mind, let’s take a little time to look at some of the haunted happenings currently on the comic book stands. Back in the 90s, Vertigo was the undisputed monarch of horror comics, with projects like Sandman, Swamp Thing and Hellblazer. Well, John Constantine is still around and kicking, but Vertigo as a whole has turned more towards fantasy, science fiction and esoteric drama. Exterminators still brings us some horror content, as does the relaunched version of Deadman, but there’s little else there at the moment.

DC proper, unfortunately, doesn’t have too much in the way of horror these days either, but Wildstorm is taking up the torch. After spending a few years with Avatar Press, Wildstorm has taken over the license for three of New Line Cinema’s library of horror properties, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and each of these properties has been graced with a new ongoing series. Wildstorm somewhat squandered the potential in the project, though, by not launching all three titles in time for Halloween. So far, only A Nightmare on Elm Street #1 has hit the shelves. That said, I was quite impressed with the first issue. Chuck Dixon and Kevin Ward show a marked improvement from the Avatar series, which had good artwork but fairly generic stories and paper-thin characters. Dixon pushed the star, Freddy Krueger, into the background for much of the first issue, focusing on a new girl in Springwood, unaware of his legend, but nonetheless next in line to become a victim. Dixon really does a good job of making Freddy genuinely frightening – too often these days he’s played for macabre laughs, but this has the elements of a good psychological horror that makes the character work the best.

Over at Marvel, they’re pumping the new Hellstorm miniseries into their refurbished MAX line. I’ll be honest, though, I avoided the first issue (which came out today) because it’s set in New Orleans, and comic books set in Louisiana almost universally get me mad because of how painfully bad the stereotypes are. They’ve also recently brought back Blade and Ghost Rider, the former to tie in with a TV series that’s already been cancelled and the latter to tie into a movie that’s not coming out until next year. I’m not a huge fan of either property, but I do appreciate that they’re there if anyone wants them. Marvel Zombies, on the other hand, was a lot of fun. The miniseries about a universe where a zombie plague claimed virtually every hero and villain on Earth was a hit (in no small part, I suspect, due to the fantastic covers by Arthur Suydam, who parodied about a dozen different classic Marvel covers in zombie form). A sequel is already in the works, from what I hear, so you know I’ll be there.

Marvel’s deal with the Dabel Brothers has also brought them a pretty good little horror maxiseries in Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter – Guilty Pleasures. Based on the popular series of novels by Lauren K. Hamilton, this is set in a world where vampires and other supernatural creatures are accepted as everyday occurrences. Anita Blake, our heroine, is a licensed vampire executioner – she is sent to take out vampires who abuse their power. I’ve never read one of Hamilton’s novels, but I got the first issue of the comic book and I really enjoyed it – it’s a nice dash of horror mixed with some hardboiled drama. Bite Club fans may find something to enjoy here.

Over at Image, they’ve gone a long way towards diversifying their line. In the horror genre, their current darling would have to be Robert Kirkman’s The Walking Dead, about the survivors of a zombie plague that has (apparently) swept the Earth. There’s quite a bit of zombie action in the book, but it focuses more on the humans, the people who survived the plague. Most classic zombie movies are about the humans that battle the zombies, but they’ve got to reach some sort of resolution at the two-hour mark. Kirkman’s story has no such limitation – it’s an ongoing about life in a world of the dead, and it’s excellent. Heck, it was good enough for Marvel to tap him to write Marvel Zombies, right?

Dark Horse is coming back this week for a second round of Perhapanauts, a fun little monster comic about a group of… well… monsters trained as special agents to fight various supernatural threats. It’s half horror, half superhero, which is what you expect when your cast includes a Sasquatch, a ghost and a Chupacabra. The book, by Todd DeZago and Craig Rousseau, is a lot of fun, the sort of thing Hellboy fans will eat up. The first trade paperback is now available and the first issue of the second miniseries, Second Chances, hit the stands today.

So there are tons of good comics out there to help you get your scare on, and the only way it could be better is if Gemstone had timed the release of the first Tales From the Crypt Archives for October instead of December. I’m equally certain that you guys will happily inform me of any great horror comics I may have missed. I welcome your suggestions – it’s always great to hear about more good comics. In the meantime, Happy Halloween!

Favorite of the Week: October 18, 2006

Can you say “No Brainer?” Month in and month out, for over four years now, Fables has sat firmly atop my “must read” pile, and the first ever Fables original graphic novel, 1,001 Nights of Snowfall, is no different. Written by regular series writer and creator Bill Willingham, with artwork by a plethora of extremely talented artists, this book tells a tale of Snow White, trapped in the kingdom of the Arabian Fables, forced to tell story after story about herself and her peers to stay alive. In the process, we learn a lot about our heroes (and villains). Ever wanted to know Frau Totenkinder’s story? It’s here. What did Bigby Wolf do before the General Amnesty that would horrify people if they knew? It’s here. How did the seemingly ineffectual King Cole get elected mayor? What happened to Flycatcher’s family? Why doesn’t Snow White let anyone ask her about the dwarves? All of your answers lie within. Not only is the story top-notch, but the artwork is beautiful. Every artist in the book does an absolutely magnificent job. This is more than just my favorite book of the week, it’s one of the best books of the year.

Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People’s Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner and the Christmas-themed eBook A Long November. He’s also the co-host, with whoever the hell is available that week, of the 2 in 1 Showcase Podcast and the weekly audio fiction podcast Blake M. Petit’s Evercast. E-mail him at and visit him on the web at Evertime Realms. Read past columns at the Everything But Imaginary Archive Page.


Halloween Party: Saw VI

Somehow or other, I’ve always been a year behind on the Saw films. I saw the first one a year after its release on DVD, and I’ve gotten into the habit of catching up the following year, just before the new one is coming out. This year is no different. People can debate the merits of the series for years, and there can be no doubt that it helped inspire an entire generation of filmmakers who think ultra-detailed gore and blood is a substitute for having an actual plot. But what about the series that somewhat popularized “torture porn?” I like the first Saw movie quite a big. Gory, yes, but not nearly as bad as the series would get later, and quite effective as a psychological thriller as opposed to a simple slasher film. The second film was a decent, if not brilliant follow-up, and the third one was surprisingly good at tying everything together. Then came Saw IV, the only one I’ve seen in a theater, which was so bad that it made the previous three films lost any sense of cohesion or logic. Five cleaned things up a little, but there was still work to do.

So now, Saw VI. This one continues the story of Jigsaw (Tobin Bell, who died in the third film, but continues appear here in flashback), or more accurately, his would-be protege, Detective Mark Hoffman (played by Costas Mandylor). Hoffman is still following Jigsaw’s orders, kidnapping people who have displayed a lack of appreciation for human life and placing them in traps where they have to make torturous life or death decisions. This time, the victim is an insurance executive (Peter Outerbridge)  who made the decision not to authorize an expensive, experimental treatment that may have saved Jigsaw’s life. This movie fortunately manages to avoid some of the sins of earlier films, with overlapping narratives that didn’t quite mesh up, and stays on a more-or-less linear course. The deathtraps are still highly elaborate, although I think we’ve pretty much reached a point where trying to become more elaborate than the previous films may be fruitless. Instead, the film endeavors to be at least different than the others, and in that it succeeds. The twist at the end of this film (unlike in four) is one that actually works well, playing off our preconceived notions of Outerbridge’s character to give us a surprising reveal that leads to a satisfying ending.

I was a bit disappointed that this was not going to be the final film in the series, as I’m almost certain was announced at one point, but at least it sounds like the diminishing returns the series has experienced are going to bring it to an end in this year’s Saw 3D. If you’ve made it this far in the series, it’s hard to imagine not checking out the conclusion. Although true to form, I’ll probably check it out via NetFlix… next Halloween.


2 in 1 Showcase Versus the Wolfman

For the fifth year in a row, I’m sitting down for a Halloween-inspired movie marathon, and for the fourth year, I’ve drafted several of my friends to help me. You can check out previous marathons thusly:

Friday the 13th
A Nightmare on Elm Street
The Universal Pictures Frankenstein

This year, we’re sitting through the Universal Pictures Wolf-Man franchise, and with me are Kenny, Daniel, Lauren, Mike, and Nicole. Last year, as Kenny and I did a lot of the Frankenstein films without the rest of the crew and, frankly, there wasn’t as much room for snark, I didn’t write down our comments as we went along. This year, when Daniel shouted out “He’s got a girl’s name!” when Bela Lugosi turned up in the opening credits, I knew there’d be room to snarkify. For a slightly more serious conversation about the merits of the individual films, you can listen to the podcast in which we discuss them.

2 in 1 Showcase Episode 193: The Universal Wolfman

The Wolfman (1941) The classic begins with Daniel wondering why Lon Chaney’s character is merely credits as “The Wolf-Man,” as if he doesn’t have an actual name. (He does: Lawrence Talbot.) Talbot is being summoned home after many years, hoping to reconcile with his estranged father after his brother dies. We miss the next several minutes of the film, though, as we 1) notice that Mike is still wearing the headset we used to record the podcast introduction, 2) Mike announces that he’s doing it because he’s as “cool as the other side of the pillow,” 3) Kenny says that “Buddy Dee Williams” is as cool as the other side of the pillow, and 4) We proceed to mock Kenny mercilessly. Lauren, meanwhile, is getting ready to kick Mike, Kenny, and Daniel out of the Man-Cave for talking during the damn movie. I concur.

Mike and Daniel immediately latch on to the fact that Talbot has a big-ass telescope in his mansion, something that rather disappoints Mike as I point out that the film was made in 1941 and the chances of him seeing any women undressing through it are fairly slim. Talbot does, however, see a woman (the lovely Evelyn Ankers) working in an antique shop, whom he approaches and begins commenting on the objects he’s seen in her room. My only response: “He’s the worst stalker ever.”

Somehow, he convinces the woman to accompany him on a wolf-tracking expedition to a nearby gypsy encampment. Kenny comments, “The girls tells him no and she still goes with him. And then brings a friend.” Mike chimes in, “What the HELL?” Lauren merely expresses her sorrow that Daniel cannot grow a saucy handlebar mustache like Bela Lugosi is sporting as a gypsy fortune teller in this picture. Chaney continues to bumble over Ankers, which makes me realize that back in 1941, I actually may have had some game with the women. At least relatively. Kenny, however, would still have none.

What with one thing or another, Chaney gets bitten by a wolf, which he then proceeds to beat the crap out of with a wolf-headed cane he bought from Ankers earlier. Although the actual beating takes place out of frame, Kenny correctly comments that you couldn’t get away with that in today’s movies. And yet they allow Snooki on television where any kid could see it.

As Chaney is told by gypsies that he’s now going to bear the curse of the werewolf (because of the whole “being bitten and beating the previous werewolf to death with a silver-tipped walking stick” thing), Mike begins to question why they keep calling it a stick instead of a cane. A quick Google search reveals that the difference between a cane and a walking stick is that a cane has a curved top. This post now qualifies for an educational grant. Our amazement at the film continues when we realize that Ankers’ character actually does seem to be falling in love with Chaney, a man who introduced himself by basically revealing that he’d been spying on her through her window. In many ways, this film is a precursor to Twilight.

Chaney seeks help from the medical community, uttering the immortal phrase, “Have you ever met a werewolf, Doctor?” Daniel, despite warnings from Lauren that he’ll be sleeping in the yard until Thanksgiving, cannot contain himself: “I’ve never met a Werewolf Doctor!”

At this point, Kenny’s sister Megan pops in and informs us that it is, in fact, the night of a full moon. Somehow, this sends both Kenny and Daniel scrambling to separate electronic devices in an attempt to download Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of London. We will now hear this constantly for the rest of the day. Chaney, of course, is unable to contain himself, and eventually winds up in battle with his own father, who proceeds to beat him to death with his own sliver-tipped cane. Mike begins to question the link between silver and kryptonite, which is something only a geek of our level would begin to go to. In the touching moment as the father mourns his son’s death, Daniel pulls out his cell phone and starts playing Hungry Like the Wolf. Lauren contemplates divorce.

Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman (1943) In this film, which serves as both the second Wolf-Man movie and the fifth Frankenstein movie, we start off with a couple of grave robbers busting into the Tomb of the Talbots. I take a bit of offense when we see the marking on Larry’s grave, which says he died at the “youthful age of thirty-one.” I have to look it up, now – Chaney was apparently only 35 when the film was made. Apparently, people aged a lot harder in the 1930s.

The coffin, which they pop into for some insane reason, turns out to be full of wolfbane, which according to the poem we heard in the first movie (and again in this one) is inexorably linked to the curse of the werewolf. Even one who is “pure of heart” can be subjected to it. The two robbers pilfer a ring from Talbot’s body, which somehow brings him back to life. As he grabs one of the robbers, the other hauls ass out of the tomb. Mike begins to ponder why people running in horror movies always fall down.

The next conversation must be quoted verbatim:

MIKE: Why is the sound so low?

LAUREN: Well if you’d stop talking, you could hear it!

BLAKE: You just got Laurened.

MIKE: Well she can Lauren me all she wants—



If anything happens in the next two minutes, we miss it.

When we finally get back to the film, Talbot is in the hospital and the staff is confused because his ass has been dead for four years. I can perfectly understand why this is confusing. When he makes his inevitable transformation into the werewolf, despite the fact that he was wearing a hospital robe, he again shows up wearing the black button-down he had on throughout the first picture. When we see him again, passed out, he’s back in the hospital robe. Evidently, Larry Talbot’s transformation is far more efficient than Bruce Banner’s.

Mike, Daniel and Kenny retreat to the kitchen at this point to begin making popcorn. As they go about this vital task, someone begins to take stock of Kenny’s alcohol situation. This could get ugly. Slightly uglier, on-screen, Talbot begins to suspect that the fact he has come back means he can’t die, and he’ll get violent as a result. This is interesting to me – up until this point, Talbot has come across as a victim in this series. Now, for the first time, he’s starting to behave like a monster in human form as well.

Talbot hooks up with the old gypsy woman who told him about the curse in the first movie and they decide to seek out Dr. Frankenstein for help killing him permanently. Evidently, he just wants to die. A guy who looks like Teddy Roosevelt informs them that Frankenstein was a madman whose home burned down with him in it. Later, a local girl gets killed by an animal bite, so the villagers (showing the sort of calm logic as we saw in last year’s Frankenstein marathon) hunt down the new guy in town… who does, admittedly, happen to be a werewolf. He flees and winds up stumbling into a frozen cave where – holy crap – Frankenstein’s monster has been preserved in the ice. Talbot pulls the monster (in this film, played by Bela Lugosi) out and they begin to make their way to the ruins of Frankenstein’s lab, past the fakest-looking bats I’ve ever seen on anything. Including the rubber ones hanging in our school library this month.

Unable to find the death he seeks in the ruins of Frankenstein’s lab, Talbot finds a disturbingly saucy picture of Frankenstein’s daughter signed to her father, and tracks her down in the hopes of buying Frankenstein’s land to continue his search. The film is suddenly disrupted by – not even kidding here, folks – an impromptu musical number, where a dude in lederhosen starts singing about how awesome the guy who looks like Teddy Roosevelt is. When he hits a line about “living eternally,” Talbot does what everyone watching the movie wants to do, leaps up, and threatens to beat the guy unless he shuts up. Somehow, this winds up freaking out everyone in town, despite the fact that you know the actors wanted to do the same thing. Teddy, using his ninja skills, overhears Talbot telling someone about his plans, just before the monster shows up wandering around town. A lynch mob forms, of course, once again giving turn of the century obscure European countries a really bad name.

Talbot and his new friend think of a way to reconstruct Frankenstein’s machines in a way that will supposedly drain the life from both Talbot and the Monster, although it will evidently require the precise flow of a river at just the right time to spin the turbines to activate the device which appeared in Starship Troopers with Denise Richards who was in Wild Things with Kevin Bacon. Meanwhile, the townspeople conspire to destroy them, which seems kind of stupid if you think about it. Why are they trying to attack the people who are trying to find a way to kill the monster? As they begin their experiment, the full moon comes out, the monster cuts loose, and Teddy Roosevelt begins to lay dynamite to blow up the dam that’s controlling the flow of the river that’s charging the turbines that power the house that Jack built. The monster goes after the girl (as he always does), but the wolfman breaks free and they start ‘rasslin’. Teddy blows up the castle, and this time they both get frozen, only to be reawakened a year later in House of Frankenstein, which we covered in last year’s marathon. So go check that out as we pause for a restroom break, then move into…

Werewolf of London (1931) This was actually Universal’s first werewolf movie, and in fact the first American werewolf movie. It wasn’t actually part of the Lon Chaney, Jr. series, but as it’s included in the Legacy Collection DVD set, we decided to include it too. This film features Henry Hull as Wilfred Glendon, who has the world’s most exciting occupation: botanist. He and a friend find an old dude in Tibet who warns them not to mess with the plant he’s looking for. Like white men in Hollywood have done from the beginning, he doesn’t listen, goes out looking for his planet, and gets bitten by a monster. As he goes back to his lab to study the plant, my gang is astonished to see that he’s actually got a video security system in 1935. My reply: “Hey, he’s a scientist.”

This film is pretty slow-moving… for quite some time, the only thing that’s really worth mentioning are the big hats on the women and the styles of the mustaches, both of which perplex Mike, whose concept of “fashion” means “squirting my Bettie Page t-shirt with Febreeze before I leave the house.” Eventually, Glendon starts to get hairy, so he pokes himself with a flower, which makes the hair go away. We promise to shield Mike from these flowers forever.

As Glendon starts to investigate his transformation, he learns that a werewolf will always try to kill that which he loves the most, which reminds me of that Futurama episode, “The Honking,” where Fry gets upset because Bender (turned into a were-car) goes after Leela instead of him. The fact that I took the time to look up the title of that episode should show you how engrossed I am in this picture. Soon afterwards, Mike and Daniel begin to argue about the transformation scene, which takes place when Glendon walks behind a pole. I’m not impressed with the makeup job, personally – he gets a little hairier and puts lumps on his forehead. The ultimate, though, is that he chooses to put on a coat and hat before he leaves the lab.

At this point, Mike notices that Daniel has fallen asleep on the couch. I suggest putting his hand in a bowl of warm water. Kenny, whose couch Daniel is sitting on, suggest rubber sheets. The discussion summons Daniel back to consciousness. We look at the DVD box to check the running time and are startled to discover that only 12 minutes remain. This is surprising because nothing has happened in what feels like seventeen hours. We are further astonished that the running time is only 1:15 minutes.

There are a couple of genuinely funny moments in this movie, which surprises me. A pair of old women with a propensity for knocking each other out sort of steal the show. And there’s a decent fight scene at the end, but it’s too little too late. It’s no wonder nobody remembers this film.

She-Wolf of London (1946) This film opens up in London, where we discover that people live in fear of the “Allenby Curse.” I’m not entirely sure what this means, but I bet it has something to do with wolves. Daniel, who still hasn’t recovered from the previous movie, activates a strobe light app on his phone in the hopes of inducing a seizure upon himself.  We all wind up spending several minutes playing with our iPhones/iPods and not actually paying attention to the movie. I look up from my iPod and realize the film has been on for 17 minutes.

There’s a killer on the loose, it seems, and people suspect that the Allenby Curse has cut loose. June Lockhart, in fact, wakes up with blood on her fingers, which prompts Kenny to say he thinks it looks like she’s been fingerprinted (this is in black-and-white), which in turn prompts the new uncle in the group (me) to tell everyone that when his niece was born they didn’t use ink to take her footprints, but instead had some sort of heat sensitive paper. This is how interesting this movie is.

We start taking bets on who the wolf really is. June Lockhart? Her cousin? The creepy old woman who opens the door for the detective? We finally get to the attack, where a woman wandering the park wrapped up in a shawl rips out someone’s throat. Mike is appalled by the fact that the woman clearly was not wearing wolf makeup, while I simply notice that she sounds more like a cat than a wolf.

Lockhart’s boyfriend later cheers her up by reciting the various symptoms and results of lycanthropy, which causes her to burst out in tears, which seems disturbingly similar to several dates I had in college. That night, as the cops stake out the park, Lockhart sneaks out as Daniel breaks into a chorus of Talking Heads’ Psycho Killer. This is not nearly as disruptive as his Werewolves of London chorus earlier in the evening. Despite the fact that we’re barely paying attention, Lauren figures out that the old woman is drugging June Lockhart to make her believe she’s the werewolf, while in actuality it’s her cousin that’s committing the murders. She’s right. She then predicts that the old woman will fall down the stairs while chasing the housekeeper. Again, she’s right. Lauren wins this movie.

Like the last movie, the total lack of action has cost us all of our attention. Not even the question of whether June Lockhart is a werewolf manages to hold us here, and at this point, the upcoming 2010 remake of the original is looking damn good.

The Wolfman (2010) The Blu-Ray disc of this film contains both the theatrical and unrated versions. We choose the unrated, as all of us (except Daniel and Lauren) have seen the theatrical version. While Kenny is immediately impressed by how they evoke the classic Universal Studios opening, Lauren says she thinks it’s cooler in black and white. I immediately know this is going to be a fun viewing experience. Like the original, this one opens up with Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro) learning of the death of his brother. With the film being made 60 years later, though, we actually get a glimpse of the attack. The Wolfman flashes on the screen just for a second, which I suppose is all well and good. It’d be like trying to hide the monsters in the Alien remake. Everybody saw them already, so why bother?

While on the train home, Talbot meets an old man with a silver wolf-headed walking stick. He offers to give it to Talbot, and when he refuses, he “accidentally” leaves it on the train. Daniel, helpfully, says, “You left your cane!” Mike and Kenny immediately reply, “It’s a walking stick!”

Talbot comes home to find his father, Sir Anthony Hopkins, living in a house that looks like nobody’s been in it since they fell asleep watching She-Wolf of London during its original theatrical release. He collects his brother’s belongings, then goes off to a local pub to have a drink with – once again – Teddy Roosevelt. There he hears some older gents talking about the band of gypsies that have come to town. The bands of tramps and thieves, evidently, never made it that far. Talbot hears them mocking his family and talking about their craaaaaaaazy notion that a werewolf could be behind the recent killing. Go fig.

Later, as Hopkins go around blowing out candles in the mansion, I distinctly hear Mike attempting to help by blowing along. I’m not really sure what to make of this. If anybody out there knows what it means, please e-mail me at

Mike tries to figure out where he’s seen Emily Blunt (who plays Ben Talbot’s fiancé, Gwen) before. I go online and read off some of her filmography. He hasn’t seen any of them before, so he again asks, “Why does she seem familiar to me?” Lauren replies, “Because you’ve seen this movie twice.” Kenny chimes in, “You just got Laurened again.”

Benicio Del Toro, whom we all agree bears more than a passing resemblance to Lon Chaney Jr. (so good on the casting director) heads off to the gypsy village for information about his brother, although Kenny reasonably asks why the hell he would do such at thing at night. Shockingly, there’s an attack on the gypsies by a massive beast who sheds more blood in 12 seconds than in the entirety of the previous four films. Lauren declares she likes the old movies better.

Mike finds himself starting to fall asleep, so he drinks the last quarter-bottle of a five hour energy shot he’s been nursing since he arrives. He then proceeds to put the bottle on the table I’ve got my laptop on. I remove it and place it back on the shelf where he’d kept it all day. He picks it up and, again, puts it on my table. So I take it and bounce it off his head.

While we’re doing this, Talbot is mauled by the werewolf, and although the gypsies sew him up, they’re a bit concerned about the fact that, y’know, he’s cursed to attack and eviscerate human beings now. Talbot is laid up for month trying to recover from the attack, which coincidentally puts him back on his feet just at about the time the moon is turning full again. Hugo Weaving shows up and we’re reminded that, wow, this film actually has some good actors in it. Sadly, as he speaks to Talbot we keep waiting for him to say, “Miiiiiiiist-er Anderson…”

Talbot takes his dead brother’s fiancé out to skip rocks, which sparks a discussion of our respective rock-skipping skills and an impromptu rendition of Whip It before the music turns creepy, signaling the fact that the townspeople (who are just as tolerant as in the original series) show up planning to lock up Talbot before that night’s full moon. Talbot refuses, which somehow freaks out the horse, but before they can drag him away Hopkins shows up and shoots the head off a statue to prove ain’t nobody takin’ his boy. That night, though, Talbot starts to feel fuzzy and angry, proving that perhaps the townspeople weren’t so crazy after all. He warns Gwen to get the hell out of the house, and unlike Lon Chaney, does so without spying on the girl through a telescope.

Talbot’s dad leads him to a secure location where he undergoes a transformation far, far more graphic than any of the ones we’ve seen in the previous films. It also features infinity percent more CGI.

After some nice bloody moments, it’s morning and Talbot gets carted off to the insane asylum by the good townspeople, who’ve got no problem believing he’s a murderous monster, probably because these attacks have happened before. As it happens, we discover that the previous attacks were pulled off by Talbot’s father, who visits his son in the asylum and informs us that, even though he loves his son, he’s got no problem letting him take the fall for decades of murders. The Talbots are scheduled to appear together on Maury next week.

As a THX sound promo plays in the background, Talbot is dragged into an auditorium in the asylum, where his psychiatrist proceeds to explain that he’s delusional about that whole “full moon” thing, even as Talbot is transforming behind him, causing the other doctors in the room to crap their pants. Rather than run out of the room, of course, they point and try to call the doc’s attention to the situation just long enough for Talbot to get loose and start ripping intestines out of stomachs. This leads to a pretty good sequence of his terrorizing London, which of course has been a dream of Kenny’s since he was a wee tot. Gwen, as we learn, loves him anyway. When I point out that she is, in fact, his dead brother’s fiancé, Daniel says, “That was the custom at the time.” I reply, “That was the custom in ancient Rome…” Daniel’s retort: “I’m moving to ancient Rome. And killing my brother.” Lauren… glares at him.

Somehow, the course of conversation sparks Daniel’s rendition of Livin’ on a Prayer, which causes Mike to say he needs to be in a musical to get it out of his system. Talbot, meanwhile, has returned home and loaded up a rifle with silver bullets to look for daddy. Or, so it seems – when he actually tries shooting him, he finds out that Talbot Sr. took the powder out of the bullets a long time ago. The moon comes out and, for the first time in five movies, we finally get some werewolf-on-werewolf action. Sadly, most of it is CGI. Talbot Jr. wins the fight by throwing his father into the fireplace, where he immediately catches on fire, which Mike says is the part of the movie he has trouble with. I reply, “Well he’s old, he’s probably dried out.”

Werewolf Lawrence tangles with Hugo Weaving, and finally faces off with Gwen at a really romantic waterfall, which would be awesome if he wasn’t a wolfman that wanted to eat her spleen. She tries to appeal to the human inside of him, which seems to work just long enough for her to shoot him in the chest. So, like Sheldon observed on The Big Bang Theory, “Bitches be crazy.” As he’s dying, he grabs on to her hand and morphs back, and she acts really, really sad considering the fact that she just shot him in the chest. The film ends with Weaving clutching the wolf-head walking stick, clutching a bite wound, and having a look on his face that clearly expresses the fact that he’s thinking, “Aw crap, I’m gonna be in the sequel.”

We packed up and headed home after this one, content in the knowledge that we’d once again bested one of the all-time great monsters, although his DVD set got stuck with some really crappy films. We’re thinking next year we may go more contemporary… perhaps… it’s time to do battle with Chucky?


Halloween Party: Sweeney Todd-The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Here’s one from the “why hasn’t Blake already watched this?” category. I’m a big musical theater nerd. I’m a big fan of Stephen Sondheim. And I don’t have anything in particular against Johnny Depp. But somehow, I didn’t see the movie when it was released, and the DVD release escaped me until a few weeks ago, when the musical was featured on one of my favorite TV shows, The Office. Hearing some of the music performed there sort of reminded me that there was a movie version of this musical, so off to NetFlix I went.

The film, based of course on Sondheim’s play, features Johnny Depp as Benjamin Barker, a barber framed for a crime by a corrupt judge (portrayed brilliantly by Alan Rickman) who covets his wife. Barker returns home under an alias (“Sweeney Todd,” duh) 15 years later to find his wife gone and his daughter about to be forced into marriage by the same judge. Incensed at the corruption around him, Todd hatches a scheme with his downstairs neighbor Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham-Carter) to dispatch the well-to-do of London.

The musical itself truly is remarkable. with some of Sondheim’s most complex, memorable themes and lyrics. I haven’t been able to stop myself from singing “Johanna” at random moments since I saw the film. The story, too, is wonderfully constructed. Todd begins the tale as a victim, as an innocent person who seeks a rather justifiable revenge and goes really, really overboard. Also, he murders Sasha Baron Cohen, which is something most of us have contemplated at one time or another.

The performances in the film are good too — Rickman is always a masterful performer, and Timothy Spall practically recreates his persona from the Harry Potter film, playing the judge’s flunky. Depp and Carter, of course, are cast in this movie because it seems director Tim Burton is now physically incapable of making a film without either of them. Sometimes this really works, sometimes it doesn’t. This one treads the line, but in the end, it’s a successful combination. Depp isn’t a powerhouse, bravura singer, but his persona is perfect for Sweeney Todd, and his pitch and tone sell the part in an understated way. Carter isn’t bad either, although she can’t really belt out her part the way you sense it was intended to be played.

The visuals are really great. Tim Burton’s stamp on a movie is always unmistakable — you can look at a movie and tell he directed it in about 30 seconds. This time, that thumbprint of his is perfect. The colors are very subdued, almost sepia toned, with a few exceptions. Cohen’s character’s garish costume stands out, as it should, and with every death the splash of red leaps out against the rest of the darker characters and backgrounds.

I enjoyed this a lot. I’ve got to see the stage show now, if for no other reason than to see what songs got left out.


Halloween Party: Teacher’s Night Before Halloween

As I mentioned earlier this week, I spent two days in Marksville at a conference sponsored by the Louisiana Reading Association. One of the speakers at the convention was Steven L. Layne, a remarkable man who really got to the heart of what teachers are and what teaching is about. Layne also happens to be the author of several books — fiction and nonfiction, novels, picture books, and books for teachers. I picked up a few of his books to take home with me, and I thought this would be a good place to share my thoughts on one of them — Teacher’s Night Before Halloween.

Loosely inspired by the classic Clement Moore Christmas tale (which Layne has adapted into several books based on that season as well), this story told in verse focuses on an elementary school where the faculty bemoans the annual approach of Halloween as a time when tricks outweigh the treats, students become unruly and uncontrollable, and they’re forced to wear goofy costumes that they aren’t particularly happy about.

This is a cute story, a very cute story in fact. Layne starts with the basic meter and rhyme scheme of Moore’s poem, but the content is entirely original and unlike any other holiday story (any holiday) I can think of. Although the story is clearly written and presented as a children’s book, the content is actually the sort of thing that I think will appeal a bit more to adults, particularly educators. Layne’s friend and frequent collaborator Ard Hoyt provides the illustrations for the book. It’s a typical style for books of this nature, but his design work (on the costumes the kids and teachers wear in particular) is very nice. If you’re a teacher who has a child at the picture book age, this really is the perfect book to share with them.


Halloween Party: Curse of the Were-Woman

Writer: Jason M. Burns
Christopher Provencher
Colors & Letters:
Nick Deschenes
Art Direction:
Sean K. Dove
Sam Wells
Devil’s Due Publishing

Last year, Devil’s Due Publishing released a quirky little graphic novel that may not actually have any deliberate Halloween content, but nonetheless feels like a very good match for the season. Jason M. Burns and Christopher Provencher’s Curse of the Were-Woman is a romantic comedy with a Dr. Jekyll twist that feels in every way to be a treatment for a movie. Fortunately, it’s not a bad one.

Patrick Dalton is a self-proclaimed “alpha male,” the sort of guy who’s fighting his way to the top of his profession (advertising) and unapologetic about notching his bedpost with as many different women as possible on his way. Patrick’s life is pretty good, although around him things are in chaos. His best friend Andy is harried by a controlling shrew of a wife, his new across-the-hall neighbor seems to be hiding some pain behind her pretty face, and the goth girl he’s targeted as his latest conquest seems to be a bit upset when she realizes how she’s been used. Fortunately for the rest of the women in Patrick’s life, this girl seems to have a way to get a little revenge for all the girls Patrick has ever wronged.

The book pretty much writes itself from here. Tessa turns out to have some real magic in her arsenal, and Patrick is cursed by turning into a woman every night when the sun goes down, a curse that won’t be removed until he learns a little respect for the fairer sex. The weakness of this book is that it’s not at all original. From the first few pages, you can pretty much figure out exactly where every single character and plot thread is going to end up, and you’d be right about them all. Hell, most of you can probably guess how the book ends just from this synopsis. The good part is that the execution is really quite good. Burns’ script is funny, and he at least makes an effort from the beginning of the book not to make Patrick seem like he has no redeeming qualities at all. And Provencher’s artwork is really perfect for this sort of story. It’s not iconic enough to look like a cartoon, but not so realistic that it feels out of place in a comedy.

When I said the book feels like a movie treatment, I wasn’t exaggerating. The book almost perfectly follows a Hollywood movie’s three-act structure, even bringing in complications, new characters, and new plot threads exactly where you’d expect to see them on the silver screen. Assuming that Burns and Provencher have had any interest from Hollywood, this book probably would make a pretty good romcom, and it’d be better than most of them.

Rating: 7/10


Halloween Happenings…

October is at the halfway mark, friends, and somehow I feel like I haven’t even begun to immerse myself in the spirit of Halloween. I suppose that’s largely because I spent the first two weeks of the month in the midst of a goody, slapstick comedy. But I’m down with the macabre right now, and I’m trying to give you guys as much of it as I can — although not all of it will appear right here at Evertime Realms. So here are a few links to items of note…

First off, head to CX Pulp and check out my review of Night of the Living Trekkies. This unique zombie novel follows a zombie attack on — of all things — a Star Trek convention. It’s goofy, cross-genre fun!

Meanwhile, at The Back Issue Bin, I continue to roll out horror and Halloween-type reviews. Such as…

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