2 in 1 Showcase Episode 272: The Ultimate Top Ten Time Travel Stories

In the newest Showcase Top Ten, Blake and Kenny go through the greatest time travel stories of all time. The guys present their lists, read comments from you, and announce the final winners! In the picks, Kenny goes with Green Lantern Corps #0 and Blake takes Archer and Armstrong #2 Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at Showcase@CXPulp.com!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 272: The Ultimate Top Ten Time Travel Stories

2 in 1 Showcase Episode 266: The Ultimate Villain Countdown

It’s time for another Showcase Countdown! This week, the boys each give their own top ten lists for the greatest villains of all time, then count down the ultimate list as voted on by the Showcase listeners. Tune in to find out whose villainy takes the top prize! In the picks, Mike goes with Superman #8, Kenny takes Aquaman #8, and Blake praises Fantastic Four #506.1. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at Showcase@CXPulp.com!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 266: Ultimate Villain Countdown

What I’m Reading in 2012

Annually, I keep a running tally of all the books, graphic novels, and short stories I read. This list includes re-reads, as well as audiobooks I listen to over the course of the year, but I don’t include individual short stories if I read all of them as part of a collection. In related news, I really overthink the hell out of this stuff. And should the book be something I review online, I’ll provide a link so you can see my thoughts.

If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here’s what I’ve read thus far in 2012:

1. A Tale of Sand (2011), Jim Henson & Jerry Juhl, B+*
2. Who’s Who: The Resurrection of the Doctor, Martin Beland and the Staff of The Guardian (2011), B-
3. Age of Bronze Vol. 3: Betrayal (2008), Part One, Eric Shanower, A-*
4. Locke and Key Vol. 4: Keys to the Kingdom (2011), Joe Hill, A
5. Hogfather (1996), Terry Pratchett, B+
6. Scream Deconstructed (2011), Scott Kessinger, A-
7. In the Peanut Gallery With Mystery Science Theater 3000 (2011), Rob Weiner (Ed.), B
8. Eats, Shoots and Leaves (2003), Lynne Truss, A
9. My Seinfeld Year (2012), Fred Stoller, B
10. Employee of the Month and Other Big Deals (2011), Mary Jo Pehl, B-
11. A Princess of Mars (1917) Edgar Rice Burroughs, A
12. Countdown: A Newsflesh Novella (2011), Mira Grant, A-
13. Sloppy Seconds (2012), Tucker Max, B
14. Killing Mr. Griffin (1978), Lois Duncan, B
15. The Crucible (1952), Arthur Miller, A•
16. Hilarity Ensues (2012), Tucker Max, B+
17. All-Star Superman (2008), Grant Morrison & Frank Quitely, A+*
18. Ruby of Ragnoor (2012), Brad Guitar, B+*
19. What If? Classic Vol. 3 (2005), Gary Friedrich, Don Glut, Marv Wolfman, Steven Grant, Peter Gillis & Tom DeFalco, B*
20. Atomic Robo Vol. 1: Atomic Robo and the Fightin’ Scientists of Tesladyne (2008), Brian Clevinger, A-*
21. Atomic Robo Vol. 2: Atomic Robo and the Dogs of War (2009), Brian Clevinger, A-*
22. Atomic Robo Vol. 3: Atomic Robo and the Shadow From Beyond Time (2009′ Brian Clevinger, A*
23. The Gods of Mars (1918), Edgar Rice Burroughs, B+
24. Sum: 40 Tales From the Afterlives (2009), David Eagleman, A-
25. The Nightly News (2007), Jonathan Hickman, A*
26. John Carter: A Princess of Mars (2011), Roger Langridge & Felipe Andrade, B-*
27. Warlord of Mars (1919), Edgar Rice Burroughs, A-
28. The Princess Bride: 30th Anniversary Edition (2003), William Goldman, A
29. Raise Your Glass,: Stuck in the Twilight Saga (2012), Keith Helinski, B
30. Clue: The Musical (1993), Peter DePietro, B•
31. How I Sold 1 Million eBooks in 5 Months (2011), John Locke, C
32. Forrest Gump (1986), Winston Groom, B
33. The Reporter (2012), Scott Sigler & Mur Lafferty, B+
34. Tales From Development Hell (2012), David Hughes, B+
35. Lamb (2002), Christopher Moore, A
36. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (1997), J.K. Rowling, A-
37. Buy the RV, We Start Tomorrow: The AV Club’s Guide to Breaking Bad (2010), Donna Murray & Neal Goldman, B
38. Coffee: It’s What’s For Dinner (2011), Dave Kellet, A*
39. Sacre Bleu (2012), Christopher Moore, B
40. Pax Romana (2007), Jonathan Hickman, B-*
41. Paradox (2012), Christos Gage, B- *
42. Avengers Forever (1999), Kurt Busiek, A*
43. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (1998), J.K. Rowling, B+
44. Transhuman (2008), Jonathan Hickman, A-*
45. The Wind Through the Keyhole (2012), Stephen King, B+
46. Atomic Robo Vol. 4: Atomic Robo and Other Strangeness (2010), Scott Wegener, A*
47. Atomic Robo Vol. 5: Atomic Robo and the Flying Fists of Science (2011), Scott Wegener, A-*
48. Misery Loves Sherman (2012), Chris Eliopoulos, B*
49. The Atlantis Chronicles (1990), Peter David, A*
50. Aquaman: Time and Tide (1996), Peter David, B+*
51. Pantheon (1999), Bill Willingham, A-*
52. Atomic Robo Vol. 6: Atomic Robo and the Ghost of Station X (2012), Scott Wegener, A+*
53. Marvels: Eye of the Camera (2010), Kurt Busiek & Roger Stern, A-*
54. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (1999), J.K. Rowling, A-
55. “They’re Made Out of Meat” (1991), Terry Bisson, B
56. Why Does Batman Carry Shark Repellent? (2012), Brian Cronin, B+
57. The Comic Book History of Comics (2012), Fred Van Lente & Ryan Dunlavey, A-*
58. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2010), Seth Graham-Smith, B+
59. Fables Vol. 1: Legends in Exile (2002), Bill Willingham, A-*
60. JLA Vol. 1: New World Order (1997), Grant Morrision, A-*
61. Star Trek: The Next Generation-Ghosts (2010), Zander Cannon, B*
62. Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage (1993), David Michelinie, J.M. DeMatties, Tom DeFalco, B+*
63. The Hollywood Walk of Shame (1993), Bruce Nash & Allan Zullo, C+
64. The All-Pro (2011), Scott Sigler, B+^
65. Our Valued Customers (2012), Tim Chamberlain, B*
66. Batman: Earth One (2012), Geoff Johns, A*
67. The Infinity Gauntlet (1993), Jim Starlin, A+*
68. F in Exams (2011), Richard Benson, A-
69. F For Effort (2012), Richard Benson, B
70. Blackout (2012), Mira Grant, B+
71. The Monolith (2012), Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray, A*
72. Locke and Key Vol. 5: Clockworks (2012), Joe Hill, A*
73. Classic G.I. Joe Vol. 1 (2009), Larry Hama, B-*
74. What If? Classic Vol. 4 (2007), Bill Mantlo, Don Glut, Peter Gillis, Steve Skeates, Tony Isabella, Mike W. Barr, Steven Grant, Mark Gruenwald & Ralph Macchio, B*
75. Firestarter (1981), Stephen King, B+
76. “Don’t Tell Jack” (2001), Neil Gaiman, A-
77. Rising Stars Compendium (2004), J. Michael Straczynski, A*
78. Fahrenheit 451 (1951), Ray Bradbury, A+
79. Morning Glories Vol. 1: For a Better Future (2011), Nick Spencer, A
80. Fool Moon (2001), Jim Butcher, B
81. The Maze Runner (2009), James Dashner, B+
82. The Scorch Trials (2010), James Dashner, B
83. The Death Cure (2011), James Dashner, B
84. Action Philosophers (2009), Fred Van Lente, B+*
85. Fraggle Rock Vol. 1 (2010), B*
86. License to Pawn: Deals, Steals, and My Life at the Gold and Silver (2011), Rick Harrison, B-
87. The MVP (2012), Scott Sigler, A-
88. Showgirls, Teen Wolves and Astronomy Zombies (2009), Michael Adams, B+
89. Upside Down: A Vampire Tale (2012) Jess Smart Smiley, B*
90. Trick ‘r Treat (2009), Marc Andreyko, B*
91. Madman 20th Anniversary Monster (2012), Mike Allred, B*
92. Texts From Dog (2012), October Jones, B
93. The Complete Omaha the Cat Dancer Vol. 1 (2005), Kate Worley & Reed Waller, B*
94. Superman: Earth One Vol. 2 (2012), J. Michael Straczynski & Shane Davis, A*
95. Tremors of the Buried Moon (2011), J.C. Rogers, B*
96. The Legend of Oz: The Wicked West Vol. 1 (2012), Tom Hutchinson, B+*
97. Charlie Brown’s Christmas Stocking (2012), Charles M. Schulz, A-*
98. Archie Classics Series Vol. 1: Christmas Classics (2011), B
99. Marvel Zombies (2006), Robert Kirkman, B+*
100. Marvel Zombies 2 (2008), Robert Kirkman, A*
101. Marvel Zombies 3 (2009), Fred Van Lente, B-*
102. Marvel Zombies 4 (2009), Fred Van Lente, C*
103. Marvel Zombies Return (2009), B+*
*-Denotes graphic novel or comic strip collection
•-Denotes stage play
^-Denotes audiobook
“”-Denotes short story

–Updated August 5, 2012

2 in 1 Showcase Episode 251: The 2011 Year in Review Extravatacular

2011 is over, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk it to death! In a ginormous Showcase special, Blake gets together with Kenny and Erin to run down all the big comic events of 2011, look ahead at what’s coming in 2012, and make our picks for the best of comics, movies, TV shows, books and more for the year we’ve put to bed. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at Showcase@CXPulp.com!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 251: The 2011 Year In Review Extravatacular

Choosing the year’s best movies…

Exactly one year ago today, I sat down in an effort to compile my personal list of the best movies of 2010, only to discover, to my horror, that I hadn’t seen nearly enough 2010 releases to come up with any kind of comprehensive list. Undaunted, I decided to spent the next month gorging myself on on 2010 movies via Netflix and borrowing DVDs from people. Ultimately, I managed to create such a list, although it wasn’t posted until February 1 of this year.

I’ve come to realize that, while there’s a natural urge to categorize things at the end of the year, I don’t get out to the movies nearly often enough. I used to — back in the day my pal Jason and I could knock out two or three movies in a weekend, but that was before I had a blog. These days, not so much. I’ve seen a total of 36 films with a 2011 release date, 10 of which would typically be disqualified from a list like this because they were either made for television or direct-to-DVD (although I would put things like All Star Superman and Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension right up there with the most entertaining films of the year, head-to-head with any movie that got to theaters).

If I had the sort of life that allowed me to take in most movies as they were released, it would be more logical of me to try to compile a list like this, but sadly, I’m not a professional reviewer, although I’ve often wished I was. In this day and age I see movies in the theater, typically, when it’s something I have a burning desire to see that won’t wait for DVD or on those rare occasions when I’m hanging out with friends and we need something to do, something that has happened less and less often thanks to the work and family obligations that seem to hold us all back these days.

So, like last year, I’m going to frontload my NetFlix queue with 2011 releases (now that so many of them are available), then come back in a month or so to let you know what I decided were my favorites of the year. In the meantime, here are the movies I’ve already seen, ranked by how much I enjoyed them. The first few shouldn’t surprise anybody…

 

1. The Muppets
2. Super 8
3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
4. Captain America: The First Avenger
5. All-Star Superman (Direct-to-DVD)
   
6. Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension (TV Movie)
   
7. X-Men: First Class
8. Attack the Block
9. Thor
10. Batman: Year One (Direct-to-DVD)
    
11. Source Code
12. The Captains
13. Green Lantern
14. Cars 2
15. Scream 4
16. Still Screaming (Direct-to-DVD Documentary)
    
17. Good Luck Charlie: It’s Christmas (TV Movie)
    
18. The Hangover Part II
    
19. Limitless
20. Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (Direct-to-DVD)
    
21. Scream: The Inside Story (Direct-to-DVD Documentary)
    
22. Happiness is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown (Direct-to-DVD)
    
23. Contagion
24. Battle: Los Angeles
25. Tower Heist
26. Paul
27. Cowboys and Aliens
28. Miller’s Tale (TV Documentary)
    
29. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Ties
30. Quarantine 2: Terminal
31. Sucker Punch
32. Unknown
33. A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner (TV Movie)
    
34. Red Riding Hood
35. Your Highness
36. The Green Hornet
    

 

Things I DON’T like about Christmas

As you’ve probably heard right now, I love Christmas. I love it in a totally unironic, unapologetic way. I love it so much that I’d help coordinate Dickens’s three spirits to new misers every year. I love it so much that I know not to wish for it to be Christmas every day, because I’ve seen enough cartoons where that happens to know that would be disastrous. And in fact, I suspect most people reading this love Christmas too. Even those who claim to hate Christmas secretly love it, because it gives them an excuse to complain loudly to anybody who will listen how much they hate Christmas. They’re like hipsters that way.

But that doesn’t mean I love everything about Christmas. So for the sake of you Scrooges out there, I thought today I would point you towards a few of the things about Christmas I could do without. None of these are particularly original suggestions, but they’re mine, consarn it. Some of the things I really hate are…

Christmas Shopping

I love to give gifts. I love handing over a brightly-wrapped package to a loved one and seeing their face as they tear it open, and I love putting on my own most charming smile as I hand over the gift receipt so they can exchange it. But I hate the actual shopping process. I don’t really like crowds in the first place, so wandering an Old Navy packed with enough people to keep an NBA franchise in a small market city is horrifying to me. Because although I subscribe to the theory that people, at heart, are basically good, I also subscribe to the theory that most people immediately between myself and whatever my goal of the moment is are raging morons. I hate having to elbow my way past sixteen people to see if they’ve got the particular aroma of soap at Bath and Body Works that showed up on my sister-in-law’s Things I Want.com list. I hate those who block the aisles with huge shopping carts at awkward angles that clearly aren’t moving any time soon because they’ve just pulled out their cell phones and started a conversation about the LSU/Alabama rematch. I think people who get into the “10 Items or Less” line with 11 or more items should be shot. Out of a cannon. At a brick wall.

Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme, but I’ll tell you this: if I was in charge of shopping, all express lane cash registers would automatically shut down after the allotted number of items have been scanned in, and the cashiers would be instructed to tally up the items scanned thus far and tell the perpetrator to take the rest of their crap to the end of the line.

And while shopping online has helped this situation considerably, there are still pitfalls — like figuring out what to get for everybody. My father is one of the hardest people in the world to shop for. If I get him books I think he’ll like, he never has time to read them. If I get him DVDs, he never has time to watch them. I have no idea which tools he already has or needs, and I don’t even know if he needs a left-handed or right-handed triple-ground flange escalator. I am lost.

As a corrollary to the shopping situation, I also hate…

Traffic

You know how stupid people are in stores? Put them behind the wheel of a car and their IQ automatically drops another 37 points. There are special places reserved in Hell for those who cut off six cars to advance twelve feet in heavy, slowly-moving lanes of traffic. It’s catercorner to those who tailgate, next door to those who cut in-between cars just because they aren’t tailgating, and down the block from the spot for those who think turn signals are a quaint anachronism that aren’t really necessary because they’re so damn awesome everybody should just get out of their way on general principle.

I realize that none of these particular complains are specific to the Christmas season, but they are without a doubt multiplied this time of year. More people on the road translates to more stupid people on the road. The great Dave Barry once said that, in traffic, anybody who drives slower than you is an idiot and anybody who drives faster than you is a maniac. I would amend this slightly. I believe anybody who drives slower than me is an idiot and anybody who drives faster than me is a maniac.

The Christmas Shoes

You know this song. Adorable waif shows up in a store on Christmas Eve. He goes to the clerk with a pair of shoes and about eleven cents and a gum wrapper in his pocket, and asks if that’s enough to buy them for his sick mama, who’s about to go meet baby Jesus. People cry and we all learn a Very Important Lesson.

Look, I’m all for Christmas stories having a message. In fact, I think they should have a message beyond just, in the words of the immortal Animal from A Muppet Family Christmas, “Gimme Presents!” But no storyteller should resort to something so painstakingly manipulative as a chronically dying mother get his point across. The song is specifically and deliberately structured in order to make the listener feel like a pulsating burlap bag of horse crap in the hopes that they will call their mamas and tell them they love them and buy them copies of the CD.

And the worst part is that the damn song is now stuck in my head. Okay, I’m gonna have to blast “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” while I write this next one just to get rid of it…

ABC Family’s Definition of “Christmas”

I respect the ABC Family network for loading December with Christmas programming, and for how heavily they promote it. I love the fact that they give us marathons of Rankin and Bass specials, original holiday movies, and so much other content.

On the other hand, certain things just don’t fit their definition. Sure, there’s a December scene in most of the movies, but Harry Potter? NOT a Christmas film. No matter how many of the movies you show in a row. The same goes for the marathons of Pixar movies. You’ll be hard-pressed to find somebody who loves The Incredibles more than me, but it’s still not what I’m going to put on if I’m in the mood for some holiday cheer.

I’m not saying that ABC Family should avoid showing these things during the month of December. Let’s face it, if we didn’t allow them to show Harry Potter movies they’d lose their entire weekend lineup twice a month. But if you’re going to do that, don’t bill it as a “Christmas” marathon.

People Afraid to Say “Christmas”

I’m not talking about the whole “Happy Holidays” thing here, guys. Honestly, that doesn’t bother me in and of itself. I recognize that there are many celebrations, both religious and secular, that take place this time of year, and I fully support everybody’s right to celebrate whatever they happen to believe in or hold traditional. What bothers me, though, is when I feel like somebody is going deliberately out of their way to avoid saying the word “Christmas” or allude to anything even remotely connected to the holiday, as though it were some horrible, verboten topic that everybody knows about but doesn’t actually want to mention, like the real reason Uncle Walter keeps ordering little sailor outfits from those Japanese websites.

To fully demonstrate my point, I’d like to point out last year’s chief offender from my primary nerddom of comic books: the DC Universe Holiday Special. Comic companies have done holiday specials for years, of course, most of them featuring several stories with multiple characters and, most of the time, showcasing various holidays. Again, that’s cool. I don’t mind a Hanukkah or Kwanzaa story, I don’t mind seeing the  Justice League ring in the New Year or the Avengers sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner. But if the idea is to be inclusive, Christmas is traditionally included as well, right? That’s… that’s what “inclusive” means, it means that nobody gets left out. I know, I gave it to my 11th graders in a vocabulary quiz.

The six stories in this comic book included a winter solstice story set in caveman times, a western Hanakkah story, a Superman Thanksgiving story, a story about the Shi’a Day of Ashra and Easter (combined), a story of the Vernal Equinox, and a far-future story where all holidays have been mashed together into one generic “Holiday.” Seriously. That’s it. The word “Christmas” never appears in the book, nor “Yuletide,” or even “X-Mas.” No image of Santa Claus, not a tree, not a trace of Christmas lights, not a bloody snowman. Even the Easter mention was in passing. Christmas was so conspicuous by its absence that it couldn’t have been a more deliberate snub if they’d had Sarah Silverman urinate on a Nativity scene. It’s a damn far cry from the classic 70s story where Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes actually took a spaceship to look for the Star of Bethlehem.

(In all fairness to DC Comics, they did also publish the Green Lantern: Larfleeze Christmas Special last year, which starred an alien driven by greed who comes to Earth and suffers a horrendous and hysterical misunderstanding of Santa Claus. And speaking of Santa Claus…)

The Santa Clause

With all due respect to Tim Allen, this makes me want to crack people over the head with a yule log. I know the problem didn’t originate with his movie, but it certainly seems to have gotten worse since then, so let’s get something straight, people:

The Santa Clause is either: A) A series of Christmas films starring Tim Allen as Santa Claus or B) The specific clause featured in said series of movies that leaves someone beholden to become the new Santa Claus if they put on the suit of the previous Santa Claus should they meet with an untimely end.

That’s it.

The name of the person himself? SANTA. CLAUS. With NO “E.”

It’s the English teacher in me, guys, but it drives me bonkers. It’s a spelling error and I keep seeing it again and again and again and — argh! There’s a spot in the Special Hell for people who do this too. If Santa CLAUSE was coming to town, I’m imagining a lawyer driving in with a briefcase full of legal papers that are going to indemnify you in the case of Nicholas Vs. Guy With a Slippery Roof. If you see Mommy kissing Santa CLAUSE, that means she’s got her lips caught in a DVD case and you need to call 911 again.

Get. It. Right.

Okay, that should be enough evidence that not EVERYTHING about Christmas fills me with joy and revelry. Just most of it. And if you’re missing out on any revelry yourself, here’s an inexpensive way to get a little…

My eBook, A Long November and Other Tales of Christmas, is now available in the Amazon.com Kindle Store, the Barnes & Noble Nook Store, on your iPad bookstore, or for every other eBook format at Smashwords.com! This eBook contains the entire short novel A Long November, PLUS eight additional short stories of the holidays, including the short story “Lonely Miracle,” set in the world of my novel Other People’s Heroes. That’s nine stories for just $2.99, friends. Check it out, tell your friends, and Merry Christmas!

2 in 1 Showcase Episode 230: San Diego and Captain America

Another San Diego Comic-Con has come and gone, and this week Blake and Erin get together and talk about the big anouncements from this year’s show: crossovers between Star Trek and the Legion of Super-Heroes, Archie and KISS, the new Fables spin-off, the upcoming relaunch of the Defenders, and much more! They also give their review of Captain America: The First Avenger, do a Rampant Speculation on the upcoming Suicide Squad, and give a few picks. Erin has discovered Tim O’Brien‘s The Things They Carried, and Blake doubles up with Sergio Aragones Funnies #1 and Locke and Key Vol. 1: Welcome to Lovecraft. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at Showcase@CXPulp.com!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 230: San Diego and Captain America

2 in 1 Showcase Episode 229: Harry Potter and the Man-Cave of Pizza

This week the final Harry Potter film is in theaters, so to prepare, Blake and Kenny sat down and watched the entire seven-film saga in a Showcase marathon! The guys chat about each movie, then meet up with Mike at the movie theater to see the grand finale in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. In the picks, Kenny goes with Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, and Blake takes The Red Wing #1. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at Showcase@CXPulp.com!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 229: Harry Potter and the Man-Cave of Pizza

The Seven Harry Potters

This week, Kenny and I decided to do a marathon of all seven Harry Potter films in preparation for the eighth and final installment, as we’ve done other 2 in 1 Showcase movie marathon podcasts in the past. We would watch each movie, record a segment talking about it, watch the next movie, and repeat. Today we’re going to catch Deathly Hallows Part 2, record a review of that, and the whole podcast will be available tomorrow.

This time, however, I got the urge to fire up the laptop as we were watching, and do something I’d never done before: Livetweet the movies. While I would never do this with a new movie and absolutely never do it in a movie theater (I hate people who turn on their phones in the theater), doing it from the comfort of Kenny’s man-cave was fun, and I think we may make it a habit whenever we’ve got a marathon in the works.

But for those of you who aren’t on twitter or didn’t check it the last few days, I saved the tweets as we went along and I present them now to you. Read on and see if you can figure out where we are in each movie by the comments we made…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

• Forget Voldemort. How is it child protective services never took Harry away from the Dursleys?
• Having read all the books, I find myself watching Petunia Dursley in a new light. There’s a character with some genuine angst in her.
• I first watched this movie 10 years ago. I don’t remember it making me want to go to Orlando back then. #INeedAButterbeer
• I totally want an Olivander’s wand. With my luck, the core will be something like Ostrich feather or hair from the tail of a jackass.
• Y’know, Harry, I know you’re new at this, but it’s not a good idea to flash all your gold on a train full of strangers. #JustSayin’
• Hermione meets the boys. For some reason I want the scene to include the phrase “I’m Ron Weasley. I’m your density… I mean your destiny.”
• Kenny mentions how much Neville has grown up. I confess I get a little jealous when Erin mentions him now. #HarryPotterCrushes
• “Another Weasley! I know what to do with YOU.” Damn, sorting hat is copping a ‘tude.
• Harry, meet Percy. He’s gonna disappear without a trace in a couple of movies.
• Think about how many pictures your grandma has in her house. Now imagine if they were ALL WATCHING YOU AND CAPABLE OF SPEECH. #NightmareFuel
• For all we learn about Snape later on, he’s still a pretty big douche to Harry on his first day of school.
• A flying broom would be cool, but you know the kid riding the flying Swiffer is gonna get all the chicks.
• Quidditch on-screen is awesome. But having seen YouTube videos of people trying to play for real just makes me sad.
• I forgot how some of these early magic lessons went into flat-out Looney Tunes-style “exploding in yo’ face” comedy. #Sweet.
• Gotta admit, some of this 10-year-old CGI doesn’t quite hold up. #HarryRidesTheTroll
• Am I the only one who thinks “Swish and Flick” sounds like it should be dirty? Just me? Okay, never mind.
• I had some awesome teachers in school. But I wish the rest of them had been Minerva McGonagall.
• This is why I couldn’t have been a jock in high school. My friends wouldn’t have been willing to hex teachers to save my ass.
• Did anyone else ever think “Wizard’s Chess” was just “Battlechess” in 3-D?
• How many headmasters would give a student a Christmas present that allows them to roam the halls at night virtually undetected?
• I’d be afraid to look in the Mirror of Erised. I’m worried it would just show a newspaper proclaiming Bacon Cheeseburgers a miracle food.
• I love how Hagrid takes everything in stride. “WE KNOW ABOUT THE SORCERER’S STONE.” “Oh.”
• Having seen my 9-month-old niece chase the cat, I wonder what she’d do with a baby Norwegian Ridgeback like Norbert.
• Look at Malfoy. Smug little bastard. Can’t wait to see you whimper like a bitch in Deathly Hallows. #GrudgesAgainstFictionalCharacters
• “There is something fundamentally wrong with his crossbow. It would never work. It’s too flimsy.” #WatchingMoviesWithKenny
• I think Malfoy’s failure to find redemption in all 7 books is one of the most realistic aspects of the series. Some people just suck.
• “You don’t think he’ll try to kill you, do you?” “Who, Voldemort? Naw, he seems like a level-headed, reasonable fellow.”
• Kenny theorizes Ron officially fell in love with Herminone when she petrified Neville. It’s hard to argue with that.
• Being friends with Hermione is like having a walking, talking Junior Woodchuck’s Guidebook in your crew.
• Y’know, Ron didn’t really fall from that high up. Why is he unconscious? #WizardChessBeBuggin’
• Quirrell just took off his turban. WORST HAIR DAY EVER.
• In retrospect, the back of Quirrell’s head really doesn’t look like Ralph Fiennes.
• “What happened is a complete secret. So naturally, the whole school knows.” #HarryPotterIsReal,Yo
• Ron being a chessmaster never really comes up again, does it?
• Aaaand 10 points to Neville Longbottom. Gotta love how Dumbledore games the system.
• And that’s it for Sorcerer’s Stone! Time for a bathroom break, a quick recording session, and on to Chamber of Secrets!

 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

•  Dudley’s second bedroom… spoiled little sonofabitch.
• Aw, Dobby. Why you gotta destroy such a good-lookin’ cake?
• Ron and Harry already have deeper voices in the second movie. Neville’s balls drop somewhere in five.
• ME: I wish I could wash dishes by magic. KENNY: It’s called a washing machine. ME: Yeah, but I still gotta put ’em in like a sucker.
• I imagine Arthur Weasley and Lawrence Fletcher would have a lot in common.
• Hermione just repaired Harry’s glasses in Diagon Alley. Kenny points out she should technically get in trouble for that. #strewth
• Gilderoy Lockhart reminds me of every smarmy QVC host my mother ever admired.
• KENNY: Have you ever wanted to see Jason Isaacs dressed as a woman? ME: I can honestly say I have never wanted to see that.
• This movie really makes me wish my car could fly. But just my car. Not yours. #CrowdedSkies
• You ever wonder if the Whomping Willow is related at all to Charlie Brown’s kite-eating tree?
• Kenny keeps giggling at “Grasp your mandrake!” #InFairnessItsHardNotTo
• Rupert Grint really belongs to the Stan Laurel school of face acting. This is meant as a compliment.
• And Ron, trying to be gallant, slugifies himself. Malfoy is still a weasel.
• The whole Mudblood allegory is a little too on-the-nose sometimes. We get it. Racism is bad. The histrionics are a bit much.
• Filch’s love for Mrs. Norris really borders on the “creepy as all hell” at times, doesn’t it?
• Poor Ron. I’m sure there are some circumstances where a hairy water goblet would come in handy. #Notreally
• Ron is gonna try to stop the rogue bludger in the Quidditch match. Don’t they have referees for this sort of thing?
• Seriously, WHERE ARE THE REFEREES? Harry needs protection from things like evil spells… and Lockhart.
• Yeah, NFL players. You’ve got a dangerous job. But have you ever LOST ALL THE BONES IN YOUR ARM? #QuidditchAintForSissies
• The chick playing Moaning Myrtle was 37 when she filmed “Chamber of Secrets.” I’ll let you be creeped out by that for a few minutes.
• I’m just saying, if a 37-year-old DUDE spent all his time hanging around a high school bathroom, someone would be calling Chris Hanson.
• If I could talk to snakes, I think I’d ask them to get those coins from under the vending machine at work for me. #practicalusesformagic
• I just want a house with anything — ANYTHING — as cool as the entrance to Dumbledore’s office.
• I’d like some polyjuice potion, but where would I get hair from Dan Didio?
• Gotta admit Tom Felton’s acting improves over the course of the series. Draco is such a scene-chewer in Chamber of Secrets.
• You KNOW there are furries out there who just keep watching Hermione as a cat over and over and over again.
• Hermione can’t move. Ron, don’t get any ideas.
• People get frozen, so they cart Hagrid off to prison. No due process in the wizard world, eh?
• Dumbledore spends a lot of these movies basically just walking around and giving the Ministry of Magic the finger.
• Can’t decide what’s funnier — watching Rupert Grint squirm at the spiders or watching Kenny do the same thing.
• Petrified students, man-eating spiders. It’s easy to forget that nobody in the Harry Potter books actually DIES until book four.
• Well… not “on-camera” deaths, anyway.
• Five more minutes and they would have found Lockhart’s office window open, flapping in the breeze. Douchebag.
• Y’know, people whose only previous ghost experience is with Casper will find Myrtle even creepier than she already is.
• Wait, what about Quirrell? Was Quirrell’s death actually SHOWN, or did Harry just learn about it later? Help me, fellow Potter geeks!
• Myrtle offering to share her toilet with Harry’s ghost is the creepiest moment in all seven movies.
• Dammit, Lockhart! Stop being useless and go direct THOR or something.
• For a guy who’s been locked in a diary for 50 years, Tom Riddle is awfully spry.
• Hey, Harry! FUN WITH ANAGRAMS! Oh, also, that guy you’re hanging with is the Antichrist.
• Let the ink flow like blood! #SuckItVoldie
• The way all the little elements from the early stories come together in the end is one of the things I love about Harry Potter.
• Dobby seriously looks like he’s about to wet himself.
• Honestly, I think all the Hermione/Harry shippers were deluding themselves as early as the end of the second movie.
• Finished Chamber of Secrets. Gonna get some food and come back for Prisoner of Azkaban.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

• I kinda feel bad for the Dursleys. Great actors to begin with, and their parts really were shortened in the films.
• Funny-as I watch I keep thinking of bits of inner monologue from the books that were left out of the films.
• Commissioner Gordon is in Arkham? Wait, wrong franchise…
• I’d love to assign my students a book that could bite their faces off. But only some of them.
• Dementors: Soulless. Joy-killing. Beneath their hoods, you see Mike Bellamy.
• It’s odd — Gambon has been Dumbledore for so long now that when he turns up here it’s like going back to normal.
• Physically, Emma Thompson isn’t how I pictured Trelawney. But damn if she didn’t nail the part.
• As the kids walk to Hagrid’s, Kenny identifies a random bunny hopping behind them. I’ve never seen that before.
• Damn, I want a hippogriff.
• Malfoy gets slashed taunting the hippogriff. My reaction: “Douchetard.” #HatesMeSomeMalfoy
• I really like these transition scenes of the Dementors floating around the school grounds and generally messing things up.
• Not being snarky. I genuinely think they’re well-composed and well-shot.
• Parvati changes the Boggart from a snake into a clown. Frankly, the clown is a hell of a lot scarier.
• Just from a visual standpoint, Cuaron is a fine director. The camera going through the mirrored cabinet is a great shot.
• Snape gives a lesson on werewolves. For one of the greatest spies of all time, he doesn’t do “subtle” well.
• Harry falls, Dumbledore waves his hand. Dude doesn’t even NEED a wand. Bitch is GANGSTA.
• This is the first time the twins are really entertaining as a comedy duo. I totally want a marauder’s map.
• Honestly, folks, I’m not a “shipper.” I’m willing to see the relationships develop however the writer wants them to go.
• But at this point, anyone who was still crying for Hermione to get with Harry was DELUSIONAL.
• Invisibility cloaks are the Wikileaks of the Harry Potter Universe.
• If McGonagall couldn’t be all my teachers, I’d take a Remus Lupin.
• Harry swears “My dad didn’t strut!” Actually, Harry, as it turns out, he kinda did…
• Love how Trelawney goes from CREEPY VOICE PROPHECY GONNA SCARE THE PISS OUT OF YOU to CHAAK! CHAAK! Hairball.
• Hermione punches Malfoy like he’s a little BITCH. #causeheis #abitch #MalfoynotHermione
• Kenny wants a hippogriff-whackin’ axe. Presumably for whackin’ hippogriffs.
• If I was an animagus, I’d turn into a platypus. Because as we’ve learned, NOBODY suspects the platypus.
• You know who’s awesome? Gary Oldman. And he’s in a room with Alan Rickman. #AwesomeOverload
• If there’s any character I despise more than the spineless little Malfoy, it’s the disgusting traitor Pettigrew.
• Aw. Harry has a godfather. Who cares about him. He gets to be happy. For like 12 seconds.
• Odd, the clothes transformed WITH Wormtail before. Why’d he leave them behind this time?
• The werewolf attacks and, AGAIN, who tries to save Harry? Snape. Just ’cause he’s a douche doesn’t mean he’s not with the good guys.
• I would also like my Patronus to be a platypus. Wearing a fedora. Y’know. If I got to choose.
• Man. Harry passes out a lot in this movie.
• And now for the Timey-Wimey stuff. Even though the Doctor isn’t in the series until the fourth movie.
• I’m pretty sure that either Phineas or Ferb grows up to be Dumbledore. Dude knows EVERYTHING.
• Aw. Harry has dreams. Like the universe is gonna be that nice to him.
• That is one spindly-ass werewolf. #JustSaying
• “My dad’s patronus can kick YOUR dad’s patronus’s ASS!”
• Lupin is quitting over the whole werewolf thing. I’ve met teachers who build careers on a shakier basis.
• This is what drives me CRAZY about Azkaban the movie. They couldn’t spare 30 seconds to explain where the Marauder’s Map came from?
• And that’s it for Azkaban, Tweeps! The marathon will conclude tomorrow!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

• Poor Dursleys get left out of this one altogether.
• Wait! Why isn’t Cedric sparkling? #RequisiteGobletofFire/TwilightJoke
• Love how Quidditch fans, like football fans, dress just as nerdy as comic fans do. Not that they’d admit it.
• It does, however, frustrate a bit that we don’t see a single second of the actual World Cup game in the film. Cut much, Newell?
• They get through the first 300 pages of the book in the first 15 minutes of the movie. #GobletofFire
• Whoa, Tennant. That is NOT a Sonic Screwdriver in your hand! #ResquisiteGobletofFire/DoctorWhoJoke
• Cho Chang is the Gwen Stacy of this series. The hero winds up with the redhead instead and some people never freaking get over it.
• The whole Moody storyline is one of the best-constructed reveals in all of the series.
• Damn, I wish I had an eye like Mad-Eye’s. #MakingTeachingFun
• This is really the first time in the movies we get a hint as to how screwed up Neville’s childhood was.
• “I know he’s 14, but his name came out of the cup. We’ve GOT to put him in mortal danger!” Damn, Hogwarts is STRICT…
• Call me an old fogey, but every damn kid in this movie needs a friggin’ haircut.
• The scary thing about Rita Skeeter is how close she is to journalists in real-life.
• Hey Ron, y’know what’s unreasonable? Turning your back on your best friend when someone’s trying to kill him.
• Ah, kids wearing “Potter Stinks” badges… it takes me back to my high school days…
• If I could only tell you how many times I’ve wanted to turn one of my students into a ferret…
• “What’re you gonna do with your dragon?” DAY-YUM, Mad-Eye… that’s kind of personal, isn’t it?
• And your prize for surviving: a screaming golden Easter Egg!
• “I suppose I was a bit distraught. And by distraught I mean… COMPLETELY TRAUGHT!” #IfRonWasADoofenshmirtz
• Really, Rita? The “Bulgarian BonBon?”
• Ron isn’t ALWAYS unreasonable. That is EXACTLY how uncomfortable you should feel ballroom dancing with an elderly teacher.
• “Hermione… you’re a girl.” Damn, Ron is stealing his moves from 9th-grade me.
• I know you’re 14 and an idiot, Ron. I was 14 and an idiot too. But girls don’t get THAT mad unless they’re crazy about you. #seriously,Yo
• Whenever Cedric shows up I expect him to tell Harry who to be friends with and then try to break up with him for his own protection.
• Myrtle in the bathroom asking Harry if he’s been a “Bad Boy again.” Yeah, nothing creepy about that.
• Cutting Dobby from this movie wasn’t a bad move. In fact, using Neville to get the gillyweed actually works better to develop his character.
• Saving all of the captives: Harry’s a little dense, but for the right reasons. Like most great heroes.
• “No big deal, guys. I find bodies in the woods all the time.” #BartyCrouchHadItComing
• I don’t know why Crouch Jr. is so worried. If they execute him, he’ll just turn into Matt Smith.
• In fiction, dreams always have some deep significance. In real life, I have dreams about eating pancakes.
• As the third task begins, Kenny and I each start singing “Oom-pah, Oom-pah” along with the Hogwarts Orchestra. #NEEEEEERDS
• Okay, this is in fact much creepier than most hedge mazes I’ve been in. MOST.
• You know what most graveyards I’ve been in don’t have? Giant scythe-wielding statues of the grim reaper. Bums people out.
• Aaaand, there goes Cedric. First on-screen human death in the series. I think.
• Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Naked Voldemort. #GrodyToTheMax
• Ralph Fiennes actually looks like this in real life. They use CGI in all his OTHER movies to GIVE him a nose.
• Wait, the parents of all the douchebag kids at Hogwarts are in Voldie’s Super Special Club For Death Eaters? #DidntSeeTHATComing
• Voldemort on Cedric’s Corpse: “Such a handsome boy.” Evidently, he’s Team Edward.
• Harry and Voldemort are crossing the streams!
• Radcliffe is coming into his own as an actor here. He seems genuinely broken up over Cedric, Voldemort, economic situation in Greece, etc.
• I TOTALLY want a suitcase like Moody’s.
• Oh man, Moody is regenerating!
• “I put you in terrible danger this Harry… but wait until you see what I do to you in year SIX!”
• And that’s it for Goblet of Fire. Order of the Phoenix, you’re on deck!

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

•  Geez, Dudley has turned into Eminem’s weenier younger brother.
• The Dementor fight at the beginning is cool. I like how David Yates didn’t reinvent the wheel in how the effects look.
• I wouldn’t want to be called “Nymphadora” either, to be fair.
• Oh good. They all got haircuts since the last movie. #DirtyHippies
• Dammit, Molly, the kid deserves to know.
• Screw you, guys in funny hats. Dumbledore is gonna SCHOOL your asses. #InCourtNotInSchool
• “Here are pictures of lots of dead people, like your parents, Harry.” #GodfatherBonding
• Enter: Luna Lovegood. Slightly mad, and totally awesome.
• Imelda Staunton is a great actress. I want to strangle her in her first five minutes.
• I could write long essays on how Umbridge is indicative of every problem in the educational system.
• Kenny says he would shove Umbridge’s pen into her left eye. My question: Why the LEFT, specifically?
• Kenny’s reply: “Because I’m right-handed.” Makes sense.
• Come on, admit it. You all wanted to see McGonagall bitch-slap Umbridge back to the Chamber of Secrets.
• Although I admit, if I could use a magic wand to make ’em yank up their damn pants, I would.
• You see, this is what happens when you choose a minister of magic named FUDGE. In 2012 I’m voting for Candidate Jim WalnutBrownies
• Yates seems to have picked up on some of the cool camerawork and scene transitions Cuaron did in Azkaban.
• I totally want to bring back “Tosspot” as an insult term.
• Irving from Phineas and Ferb=Colin Creevy in Harry Potter.
• You gotta wonder how badly written the Civil Rights laws in the wizarding world are for Umbridge to get away with her crap.
• I prefer the Harry/Cho kiss from the book, full of tears, humiliation, guilt and self-doubt. Way more true to the high school experience.
• Snape really needs to learn to put his personal feelings aside. HARRY IS YOUR ONLY HOPE, dude. You KNOW this.
• Helena Bonham Carter has the perfect balance of creepy and insane to play Bellatrix.
• Love the scene where the kids conjure up their Patronuses. The animal forms say a lot about them, I think.
• “Dumbledore’s got style.” Damn straight.
• Hagrid trying to defend Grawp is like Emilio Estevez trying to explain Charlie Sheen’s behavior. Dude. We get it.
• You DO have to feel for Snape. And for Harry, really, when you realize James wasn’t as awesome as Harry always thought he was.
• The twins’ exit from Hogwarts is legendary.
• Hermione lies to Umbridge. Ron’s love deepens…
• THIS is why I love Neville’s character. He’s ready to saddle up and ride without being asked.
• The prophecies falling down is like every librarian’s worst nightmare.
• The fan reaction to Sirus’s death always surprised me. He was an interesting character, but never as interesting to me as others.
• It stings a little, realizing that this is the last time Dumbledore will be able to save the day.
• Dumbledore makes the classic teacher’s mistake: caring too much. #NoSeriously
• Order of the Phoenix ends. Now for some recording, then Half-Blood Prince.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

• Five movies down, two to go in the marathon. LET’S DO THIS!
• HBP viewing briefly delayed because we didn’t realize it was a 2-disc set. Kept trying to find the “play” option on special features disc.
• Waitress flirts with Harry — blocked by Dumbledore. #WorldsWorstWingman
• Ladies and gentlemen, the great Jim Broadbent!
• Slughorn is the only Slytherin we ever meet who isn’t a raging douchenozzle. #AmIRite?
• I’m sure Timothy Spall is a very kind, generous person. But if I ever met him in person, all I’d see is Wormtail. #AndKickHimInTheBalls
• Carter puts a deliberate sexual undertone into every line she says. Or maybe that’s just how she is. #CharlieBucketsMomma
• As a teacher, it’s such a damn good thing for me that the Weasley’s store doesn’t really exist.
• Tom Felton’s acting skill on display again. He’s still arrogant, but for the first time, he seems a little scared as well.
• Harry is about to learn why college students throughout history ALWAYS buy the used textbooks.
• Gotta love a school where a junior-level class involves the creation of toxic chemicals.
• Dumbledore explains that Hogwarts is a school, not a place for “mad people.” Some days I’m not sure of the difference.
• Dude, you’re RIDING A BROOMSTICK and the best innuendo you can come up with is “getting on a first name basis”? Laaaaaame.
• The cultural influence of these films is incalculable. Because of Harry Potter, American kids now know the term “snogging.”
• Jolly old professor invites a bunch of students to a “private dinner.” Nothing unusual about that at all right?
• Man, I want a Quidditch uniform. #DamnItFeelsGoodToBeAGangsta
• Of course, Luna’s lion-hat is the fashion statement of the decade.
• Ways to ruin a Christmas party: Puking on Snape’s shoes.
• I think Lavender Brown would have been better suited in a Twilight book.
• Ooooh, so THIS is why Johnny Depp says you never invite Helena Bonham Carter to your Christmas party…
• The Battle at the Burrow is particularly well-shot.
• Harry does know what buttons to push with Slughorn, doesn’t he?
• Ron under the influence of a love potion isn’t that different from some kids I teach on a daily basis.
• Now that I think about it, Ron getting Roofied may be the last purely funny scene in the Harry Potter series. After this… stuff happens.
• Just tried to buy tickets for DHPart 2 tomorrow. Thought everything was sold out before 7:45. Realized we were looking at today. #Doh
• I like calling people “Dimbo” too. We should bring “Dimbo” back. #ButNotWon-Won
• Sectumsempra: Harry gives Malfoy what we’ve wanted to see him get for six movies… and it’s HORRIFYING.
• Why the hell don’t people drink this lucky potion EVERY DAY? Seriously.
• KENNY: A doped up Harry is a funny Harry.
• I spoke to soon about Ron’s love potion being the last funny bit. I forgot Harry hopped up on the luck potion.
• Slughorn could have dripped out of a Greek tragedy. Complete with hubris and his terrible comeuppance.
• Here we go — the Horcrux Info Dump.
• Dumbledore: “At times I still see the small boy from the cupboard.” Dude, don’t we all?
• Dumbledore drinking from the basin — one of the most painful scenes in the book. The movie didn’t quite match it.
• Harry, Harry. You shoot zombies IN THE HEAD. What do they TEACH you at that school?
• Every time they flash to Malfoy, I just mutter, “Bastard.”
• Malfoy. Spineless, pathetic Malfoy, so desperate to be important, so scared to be on the wrong side.
• When I read this scene in Half-Blood Prince the first time, I was ready to kill Snape myself.
• Then I re-read, and re-thought. By the time Deathly Hallows came out, I was defending him to anyone who’d listen.
• Even now, with Dumbledore dead and Hagrid’s home in flames, he is PROTECTING Harry. So hard to see, so clear in hindsight.
• I truly have nothing snarky to say about this scene. Dumbledore, fallen, wands raised to the sky…
• Hey, fake locket! Thanks LOADS, R.A.B. #DammitAll
• Important lessons from Harry Potter: There’s never any shame in needing your friends.
• Half-blood prince ends. Let’s record…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

• Literally the beginning of the end…
• Am I the only one who kinda wants to see the Harry Potter movies remade in LEGO? I am? Okay…
• Is there a scarier way to start a movie than an extreme close-up of Bill Nighy’s eyeballs? I submit: no.
• “We’ve captured a teacher from Hogwarts. What? No, none of the main characters ever took her class, it made it easier to cast her now.”
• Oh right — there’s a BILL Weasley too. Nice to see him show up.
• Seven Harry Potters. How many fanfics did THIS scene inspire?
• I forgot how early the bloodbath started in Deathly Hallows.
• Holy crap! Neville Longbottom is trending on Twitter right now! #BecauseHesAWESOME
• You know, when you get right down to it, Deathly Hallows is a war movie.
• (A friend replies with “Uh… duh?”) I mean in a classic “Saving Private Ryan,” “Thin Red Line” kind of way.
• HARRY: “Nobody else is going to die.” ME: “Hoo, boy, are you wrong…”
• It’s hard to kiss a girl when her six older brothers are walking around the house, isn’t it Harry?
• I can admit it now. Rita Skeeter is the reason I quit working for newspapers.
• The Trio wandering London makes it clear that the filmmakers weren’t concerned with setting the movie in 1998, like the book was.
• This isn’t a complaint (the year isn’t really important), just an observation.
• Hermione is getting good at that memory-erasure thing. Zatanna could have taken lessons.
• I don’t think I’m alone in proclaiming that Kreacher is a despicable little jerk.
• The entries to the Ministry of Magic are all rather… eccentric.
• Thank Goodness Ron is still here to drop in the occasional chuckle. That’s a heroic act in an of itself at this point.
• Re: the propaganda printing press. “Subtlety?” the producers ask. “What’s subtlety?”
• So nice to see Umbridge get a spell in the face.
• Ron’s arm getting splinched is pretty gory for a “kid’s movie,” eh?
• Sorry, Harry. You can’t just zap a Horcrux away.
• Sweet. Hermione conjured the Cone of Silence. #HereComesMaxwellSmart
• These scenes where they wander through empty trailer parks and the like feel like a zombie movie to me.
• All the spells Hermione knows and there’s not one for cutting hair?
• Okay, Ron, I know you’re wearing the One Ri–Um… Horcrux Locket, but you’re acting like a jerk here.
• After six and a half movies, Ron gives Harry a “SEE ya! Wouldn’t wanna be ya!” #IcantPullThatOffCanI?
• We’re at the infamous dancing scene. I know some people hate it. I love it.
• This is one of those moments – as bad as things are, as hard as they’ve gotten, as scared as our heroes have grown…
• …they need just this one moment of being kids and being friends to keep from going utterly, utterly mad.
• Harry just called Voldemort “You-Know-Who.” He never does that in the seventh book, does he?
• Wow. It gets cold and snow-covered FAST in England.
• Creepiest Christmas Eve EVER.
• KENNY: Going to a graveyard to look for your parents is hard no mater how old you are.
• You know what’s creepier than creepy old ladies? Creepy old ladies who REFUSE TO TALK.
• I’m having a similar conversation with these characters as I do when we do our Halloween movie marathons.
• I imagine having your wand broken in half to a wizard is the equivalent of getting the Joey Buttafuocco treatment.
• It’s always handy when your dead father mother’s animal form leads you to the frozen pond where the sword you’re looking for has been hidden. (Thanks to Erin for correcting me!)
• KENNY: I’ve never heard @BlakeMP say bitch so much,when certain characters appear on screen.
• ME: @Kfanguy Well Malfoy IS a little bitch. #NotJustMalfoy
• Out of all the magical cures the wizards have, they still can’t fix eyesight or baldness. #WhatsUpWithThat?
• KENNY: Its cute how they all refer to that toothpick as a sword.
• Gotta imagine Ron’s nightmare was the most awkward day of filming in all eight movies.
• Hermione is smacking Ron around, and you know he likes it.
• Hermione is absolutely the mom of this series, isn’t she?
• “Harry Potter? Never heard of you.” #ExcusesThatDontWork
• I LOVE the animated tale of the three brothers. Fantastic sequence.
• Seriously, I could watch a whole movie animated in this style.
• I can’t really blame Lovegood for what he does. He’s a broken parent. That’s… that’s just harsh.
• KENNY: Dried out hippies,don’t trust them.#JustInCase
• Geez, Harry looks like he got kicked in the face by a Thestral.
• Bellatrix comes from a long line of villains that will gleefully kill their own henchmen to prove a point.
• Luna! Hey! We’ve missed your brand of gentle insanity. As opposed to Bellatrix’s style of murderous insanity.
• Famed actor John Hurt. His second scene in seven movies.
• When Hermione is in trouble, RON STEPS UP. Doesn’t SUCCEED, but he STEPS UP.
• Yeah! Drop that chandelier! #TeamDobby
• Yeah. Yeah, this part… this sucks. :sadface:
• Kenny can tell from the handle that Bellatrix’s knife was kept in her cleavage. Kenny knows stuff.
• I am NOT getting teary over a house elf. Dammit, Kenny, why is your apartment so dusty all of a sudden?
• Now Kenny is critiquing the corpse-burying capabilities of Harry and his friends. #DudeIsScaringMe
• #OhNoHeFollowsMeOnTwitter
• Kenny is AWESOME!
• (Everyone else, please note I was last seen wearing jeans and a purple New Orleans Voodoo T-shirt.)
• Whatcha got there, Voldie? Is that a wand? Kind of an important one? Think you’re it’s master now, right? #Suckaaaaa…
• Aaaand that’s it, folks! Seven movies in two days! My ass is NUMB.

Last Gasp of Pottermania

Evidently, last night’s midnight release of the eighth and final Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, broke a record or two. I’m not surprised. In the 14 years since the first book came out, it’s become a cultural phenomenon like few other things of our time, no matter how many other book series hope to replicate its success. I haven’t seen it yet — Kenny and I have been having a marathon of the other films for the podcast, accompanied by my LiveTweeting of the movies as we watch. I’ll post the transcripts of the tweets for you guys after we finish — we’re still on Half-Blood Prince as I type this.

We’ve got our tickets for tomorrow. And we’re psyched. But Id’ be lying if I didn’t say part of me is a little sad to see it all come to an end.

At least until I can get to Universal Studios in Orlando.