In this weeks’ new EBI Column, DC Comics just announced they’re bumping up the number of DC Universe titles starring Batman to six (or maybe up to nine, depending on how you count). And while Batman is probably the worst offender at the moment, he’s not the only one. This week I ask the question…
Everything But Imaginary #363: How Much is Too Much?
But in the classic EBI this week, we’re taking a trip all the way back to April of 2004, when Jeff Smith was wrapping up his epic Bone series, and I was saying farewell to one of the best comics of the past decade.
A Bone-a-fide Masterpiece
The year, my friends, is 1991. I am a freshman in high school. Superman isn’t dead yet — in fact, he’s not even sick. The Justice Society of America is finally brought out of limbo in their own regular series, which flops within 10 issues. X-Men, if you can believe it, is the top selling comic book in America. And in a far corner of the comic book store comes a new title, self-published, that appears to be just another latecomer to the 80s black-and-white craze that is already dead. Until you pick it up and crack it open. Then, once you read it, you realize you’ve got something special. The year is 1991, the year that the three Bone cousins were run out of Boneville and separated and lost in a vast, uncharted desert. One by one, they found their way into a deep, forested valley filled with wonderful and terrifying creatures…
And now it is 2004. It’s 54 issues, two mini-series, a handful of specials and 13 years later. And now Jeff Smith’s Bone is just one issue away from its epic climax.
Like most people, I didn’t jump on the Bone bandwagon the minute it appeared on shelves. I heard chatter about it on the internet (in those days, a lonely message board on Prodigy, of all places), and saw an article or two in Wizard, but I had just reached the stage where I’d decided I was too mature for silly things like Uncle Scrooge comics, so why would I waste time on this one? It looked like more of the same.
Then I got an issue of Hero Illustrated that had a Bone Holiday Special included. And it was funny. Really funny. So when I went to the comic shop the next week, I saw the latest printing of Bone #1 on the stands (the eighth printing, if my memory serves) and picked it up. And loved it. And then I grabbed the first two trade paperbacks and jumped on the series with the next issue #13, and I’ve been a fan ever since. The story was simple — three Bone cousins, Fone Bone, Phoney Bone and Smiley Bone (odd white creatures with big noses – if I had to describe them for a non-comic fan I’d call ‘em three-foot tall albino mutant Smurfs) are driven into a valley full of humans, animals and stupid, stupid rat creatures, and begin to have wacky adventures that had something to do with dreams, dragons and a mysterious “Lord of the Locusts.” Plus it had great artwork — lush, detailed scenes with characters that could have fallen from the pen of Carl Barks or Walt Kelly. Smith even made a star out of Ted, the bug that looks like a leaf. It was a lot of fun.
Here’s the really interesting thing. Sometime in the middle of the run — I’m not sure where but it was after the Great Cow Race and before the introduction of Rockjaw, Master of the Eastern Border — Bone stopped being a comedy and became a high fantasy. Jeff Smith had tricked us. In the same way that the early chapters of Lord of the Rings began with lighthearted fare like Bilbo’s going-away party, occasionally punctuated by cameos of the Ringwraiths, so did Smith begin his story with goofy protagonists and moronic, ineffectual villains. Both Smith and J.R.R. Tolkien put our minds at ease before delving into the darkness, serving up an epic tale of good and evil and, in both cases, a small little hero who never wanted an adventure, but who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.
As the tone of the stories has changed, so have the characters as well. Grand’ma Ben, Lucius Down and the great Red Dragon all started out as amusing characters, but each harbored secrets that drove the tale towards becoming an epic. Thorn started out the tale as a simple girl, your standard fairy tale maiden, but as the truth about her past became known, she has evolved into a true warrior princess whose own burden is becoming too much to bear, and who would never make it without Fone Bone (Smith’s answer to Samwise Gamgee, in a sense).
The Bone cousins themselves have changed. Phoney Bone, whose greed and selfishness was what got the Bones driven from their home in the first place, has shown a surprising amount of loyalty to his cousins and a rare amount of courage, although he has never lost sight of number one. Smiley Bone, at first sight, seems to be this story’s answer to Walt Disney’s Goofy — a loveable lug with a big heart and a small brain. That’s not quite true, though. Rather than Goofy’s golden soul, he’s got a healthy dose of Walt Kelly’s Albert the Alligator from the old Pogo comic strip. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s surprisingly amoral, going along with Phoney’s schemes no matter how ludicrous or mean-spirited they are. Although he could never do anything so terrible as to make me lose my love for a character who, in the ugliest cow suit ever made, could actually shout out the phrase “I’m not Smiley! I’m a real cow! Think I’ll chew me some cud!” and believe he was fooling anybody.
Then there’s our hero, Fone Bone himself. Out of the main characters, he has changed the least. He began as a good, moral everyman character, and he remains a good, moral everyman character. As the valley is swarmed by rat creatures and his beloved Thorn is fighting not to lose herself in the Dreaming, he displays unbelievable courage, but he never surprises you, because you knew that courage was there from the very beginning. Helping his idiot cousins escape from an angry mob, making his way through a harsh winter lost and alone, or even lying on his stomach in a meadow trying to compose a love poem to Thorn (actual excerpt: “Upon your feet you have ten toes, they look just like po-ta-toes”). You can look at the character doing those things and believe he is someone who will stand by someone he loves even up to the gates of Hell if he were called upon to do so.
He doesn’t have tights or superpowers. No secret origin or fancy-schmancy car. He’s short, bald and he has a big nose. But Fone Bone is one of the greatest comic book heroes of all time.
Publication of Bone has been sporadic over the years, explaining how it took 13 years to turn out 54 issues, the most recent of which came out last week. At best, the title was bi-monthly, at worst, there was a gap of over a year as Smith worked on two prequel miniseries (Rose, the story of Grand’ma Ben, and Stupid, Stupid Rat Tails: The Adventures of Big Johnson Bone, Frontier Hero). But fans were willing to wait. I don’t know why, exactly. If The Ultimates takes seven weeks between issues we’re rolling our eyes and saying, “Geez, not again.” But for Bone, we’re willing to wait as long as it takes, because we know Jeff Smith will give us a fantastic story. There’s only one issue left before the tale ends (this isn’t a Captain Marvel situation where a publisher is yanking the rug out, leaving the fans wringing their hands). But I’d be willing to wait another 13 years for that last issue if that’s what it took.
I know it’ll be that good.
So what’s next, after the story ends? Well, there was talk for a while of an animated film based on the comic, but reports are that Smith nixed that when Nickelodeon, producing the film, wanted to give Fone Bone “magic gloves” and cram a Britney Spears soundtrack down our throats. (If the story is true, Jeff, good for you.) He has already signed on to do a four-issue Shazam! miniseries for DC comics, somehow bringing back the golden age villains, The Monster Society of Evil. I’ve already reserved my copy. And after that, Smith promises to return to his own company, Cartoon Books, to put out a new tale. Will it be a new Bone comic or something totally different? I don’t know.
Whatever happens, I hope this isn’t the end for the Bone cousins. Fone Bone… Smiley Bone… Phoney Bone… Thorn… even Ted the Bug. For over a decade now, these guys have been my friends, waiting for me at the comic book shop every so often. So as happy I am that we’re finally going to see how their story ends… as happy as I am that Smith was allowed to tell his story the way he wanted to, from beginning to end…
…shoot…
…I’m gonna miss these guys.
FAVORITE OF THE WEEK: April 28, 2004
Chase you can stop harping on me. We finally agree on this one. Month in and month out, Geoff Johns writes three of the best superhero comics on the market, and his Flash #209 scores my “favorite of the week” this time out. Wally West has been brought before the Justice League to explain why they don’t remember his real name anymore, but he flees, more intent on finding his wife. The result is the best version of the classic Flash versus Superman race I’ve ever seen, because it’s the first time that race has ever felt like it honestly had something at stake. Every issue of Flash is incredible these days. This week, it was the best.
Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People’s Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner and the Christmas-themed eBook A Long November. He’s also the co-host, with whoever the hell is available that week, of the 2 in 1 Showcase Podcast and the weekly audio fiction podcast Blake M. Petit’s Evercast. E-mail him at Blake@comixtreme.com and visit him on the web at Evertime Realms. Read past columns at the Everything But Imaginary Archive Page.
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