Posts Tagged ‘Planet of the Apes


2 in 1 Showcase Episode 272: The Ultimate Top Ten Time Travel Stories

In the newest Showcase Top Ten, Blake and Kenny go through the greatest time travel stories of all time. The guys present their lists, read comments from you, and announce the final winners! In the picks, Kenny goes with Green Lantern Corps #0 and Blake takes Archer and Armstrong #2 Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 272: The Ultimate Top Ten Time Travel Stories


2 in 1 Showcase at the Movies Episode 30: Silent House and a Cinematic Rundown

At the Movies Episode 30: Silent House and a Cinematic Rundown
by Blake M. Petit
This week, Blake takes a look at the new-to-DVD horror film Silent House, then takes the time to do quick reviews of several other recent films he’s watched in the last few months, from the sublime to the surreal to the surprised anyone would make such a thing. In the picks, he urges you all to rush out and get the hardcover collection of The Monolith. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

At the Movies Episode 30: Silent House and a Cinematic Rundown

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2 in 1 Showcase Episode 258: Movie Night and More

Blake and Erin get together this week to talk about movies. They give their thoughts on the recent film Chronicle and the newest DCU animated film Justice League: Doom, plus a few other films that have crossed their Netflix queues lately, and look forward to John Carter and The Hunger Games. Moving on to other talk, we say farewell to Sheldon Moldoff and Ralph McQuarrie, celebrate the return of Community, talk about the pre-orders for Avengers Vs. X-Men and the Earth Two costume designs and more! In the picks, we talk about Hack/Slash #13 and The Shade #5. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 258: Movie Night and More

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What I’m Watching in 2012

Just like yesterday’s post about books, I also keep a running list of the movies I watch each year. You know you do it to. Okay, some of you. Three of you? Harvey?

Anyway, for those who are interested, here’s the tally thus far. As with the books, if I happen to write a review of any of these films, I’ll throw up a link. And, should I happen to watch a movie as it’s being riffed by the likes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Rifftrax, or Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, I’ll provide a separate “grade” for the riff.

1. Tucker and Dale Versus Evil (2011), A
2. Little Shop of Horrors (1960), D; RiffTrax, B+
3. Eurotrip (2004), B-
4. Barely Legal (2011), D
5. TransFormers: Dark of the Moon (2011), B
6. Lady Frankenstein (1971), D; ICWXP, B+
7. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (2011), B+
8. Serenity (2005), A
9. Bloody Pit of Horror (1965), F; ICWXP, B
10. Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory (1961), F; ICWXP, B+
11. Cedar Rapids (2011), B
12. Pontypool (2009), B+
13. Atlas Shrugged Part I (2011), B
14. Ghosthouse (1988), F; RiffTrax,  B+
15. The Slime People (1963), D; MST3K, C+
16. The Crucible (1996), B+
17. Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop (2011), B+
18. Chronicle (2012), A-
19. Justice League: Doom (2012), A-
20. Timer (2009), B+
21. Tree of Life (2011), D
22. Another Earth (2011), B+
23. Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011), A-
24. Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension (2011), A
25. Real Steel (2011), B
26. In Time (2011), C-
27. John Carter (2012), A-
28. My Week With Marilyn (2011), A-
29. The Adjustment Bureau (2011), B+
30. The Help (2011), A
31. Forrest Gump (1994), A
32. The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones (1987), B
33. The Flintstones (1994), C
34. The Hunger Games (2012), A-
35. Hereafter (2010), C+
36. The Task (2010), B
37. Cabin in the Woods (2012), A
38. The Adventures of Tintin (2011), B
39. Win Win (2011), B+
40. Millennium (1989), C
41. Immortals (2011), B
42. Iron Man (2008), A
43. Being Elmo (2011), A
44. Incredible Hulk (2008), B
45. Iron Man 2 (2010), B+
46. Apollo 18 (2011), C+
47. Reefer Madness (1936), D; RiffTrax, B+
48. Them Idiots Whirled Tour (2012), B
49. Thor (2011), B+
50. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011), A
51. The Avengers (2012), A+
52. The Muppets (2011), A
53. The Goonies (1985), A
54. Spaceballs (1987), B+
55. Airplane (1980), A
56. Men in Black 3 (2012), B+
57. The Descendants (2011), A
58. Insidious (2011), D-
59. Muppets From Space (1999), B
60. Pom Wonderful Presents the Greatest Movie Ever Sold (2011), A-
61. The Swing Parade of 1946 (1946), D; RiffTrax, B
62. Lucky (2011), B+
63. Exporting Raymond (2010), A
64. Alien (1979), A+
65. Aliens (1986), A
66. Prometheus (2012), B
67. I Want Candy (2007), B-
68. Sirens (1993), C
69. Superman Vs. the Elite (2012), A-
70. Drive (2011), C
71. The Wizard of Oz (1939), A
72. Blade Runner (1982), B+
73. Total Recall (1990), B+
74. Rock of Ages (2012), D
75. The People Vs. George Lucas (2010), A-
76. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter (2012), C-
77. Brave (2012), A
78. The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), A
79. Media Malpractice (2009)
80. Batman Begins (2005), A
81. The Dark Knight (2008), A+
82. The Dark Knight Rises (2012), A
83. Troll 2 (1990), F
84. Silent House (2012), B-
85. 50/50 (2011), A
86. Total Recall (2012), C+
87. The Darkest Hour (2011), C
88. Moneyball (2011), A-
89. The Expendables (2010), B
90. The Expendables 2 (2012), B+
91. Red Tails (2012), B
92. Walkabout (1971), C
93. Finding Nemo (2003), A
94. The Woman in Black (2012), C-
95. The Incredibles (2004), A
96. The Boys (2010), A
97. In the Realms of the Unreal: The Mystery of Henry Darger (2004), A-
98. In the Mouth of Madness (1994), B
99. Act of Valor (2012), B
100. Project X (2012), C+
101. Tales of Terror (1962), B
102. The Birds (1963), B+
103. Hellraiser (1987), B+
104. Child’s Play (1988), C+
105. Looper (2012), B
106. Cinderella (1950), A
107. The Ghost Breakers (1940), B+
108. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948), A+
109. Young Frankenstein (1974), A
110. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978), C-
111. An American Werewolf in London (1981), B+
112. Ghostbusters (1984), A+
113. The Toxic Avenger (1984), C
114. Beetlejuice (1988), A-
115. Arachnophobia (1990), B-
116. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), C+
117. Army of Darkness (1992), B+
118. Bride of Chucky (1998), C
119. Bubba Ho-Tep (2002), A-
120. Eight Legged Freaks (2002), B-
121. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006), A
122. Slither (2006), A-
123. The Evil Dead (1981), B-
124. Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn (1987), A-
125. Trick ‘r Treat (2007), A
126. Zombieland (2009), A
127. 2016: Obamas America (2012), B
128. The Lorax (2012), B
129. The Pirates! Band of Misifts (2012), A-
130. The Room (2003), F
131. Skyfall (2012), A-
132. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977), A
133. Home Alone (1990), B+
134. Finding Mrs. Claus (2012), C+
135. Disney’s A Christmas Carol (2009), B
136. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012), B+
137. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), D; MST3K, B
139. Santa Claus (1959), F; MST3K, B+
140. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972), F-; RiffTrax, A
141. Magic Christmas Tree (1964), D-; RiffTrax, B+
142. Santa Claus: The Movie (1985), B
143. Arthur Christmas (2011), A-
144. A Christmas Story 2 (2012), C+
145. Trading Places (1983), B+
146. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989), A
147. Nativity! (2009), B
148. A Christmas Story (1983), A
149. Love Actually (2003), A
150. Scrooged (1988), A
151. Die Hard 2 (1990), B
152. Django Unchained (2012), A-
153. Les Miserables (2012), A

–Updated January 5, 2013.


2 in 1 Showcase Episode 234: A Day With the Dark Knight

Erin comes back this week to talk about her day as an extra on the set of The Dark Knight Rises! There’s no real spoilers here, but if you want to remain 100 percent pristine, you may want to skip ahead to the second half of the show — when Blake gets his nerd on and dissects the most gripping part of DC’s New 52… the logo redesigns! In the picks, Erin enjoyed Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Blake doubles up with Avengers Academy #18 and Batgirl #24. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 234: A Day With the Dark Knight


2 in 1 Showcase Episode 218: Summer Movie Preview

Blake and Kenny are back together this week to run down all the movies hitting your theaters in the summer of 2011! From the big comic summer of Thor, Green Lantern and Captain America to the latest Harry Potter and TransFormers, offerings for the kids, movies for the gals, indie stuff you’ve never heard of, and REMAKES! REMAKES! REMAKES! Lots of remakes in August, is what we’re sayin’. In the picks this week, Kenny goes with Justice League: Generation Lost #23 and Blake was into Doctor Who: A Fairytale Life #1. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at!

Music provided by Music Alley from Mevio.

Episode 218: Summer Movie Preview 2011

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Time Travel Tuesdays: Moviemaking 101

It’s that time again, friends, time to step into the Wayback machine and examine a classic piece of Blakeyana. This time around, I’m going to prove that my utter disgust and consternation with certain motion pictures is nothing new. Let’s look at how Tim Burton pissed me off way back in August of 2001. It should be noted that, since this column was written, Burton has come back with a few excellent films, like Big Fish. Of course, he also did the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the tepid The Corpse Bride, so I’m going to stand by my point.

Moviemaking 101

August 11, 2001

The human species has always derived a certain amount of entertainment from the animal kingdom, including our cousins in the primate family. In fact, scientific studies have proven that (with the possible exception of llamas) monkeys are the funniest mammals on the planet, far more entertaining than creatures like the platypus or Tom Green. This is why today we’re going to lament the fact that Tim Burton has embarrassed every biped on Earth with his atrocious remake of Planet of the Apes.

I know I’ve spent a lot of time discussing movies lately, but there are good reasons for that. First, this is a cautionary tale, something that needs to be said in order to warn filmmakers of the future. Second, it’s August and there is very little going on for me to make fun of. Even Congress is in recess and will spend the next month trying to make the president look bad for taking the same amount of vacation time that they get, only with more work for HUD.

What I find really amazing is that Tim Burton, who directed the film, used to make good movies. He did the first two Batman films. He did Sleepy Hollow. Although he didn’t direct it, he was the brains behind The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sometime before he hired Joel Schumaker to direct Batman Forever, though, I believe his brain cells began to explode one by one, the result being this movie. In order to salvage his career, I’m prepared to offer Mr. Burton some advice. Now granted, he’s a Hollywood director and I’m not, but as I am fairly certain I have seen more movies than Burton will ever make (especially if you count the shorts), I think I’m in a good position to administer this crash course in Moviemaking 101.

By the way, I hate it when people spoil the endings of movies, so I’m going to try to refrain from doing so. However, I am going to have to refer to some things in this movie, so if you haven’t seen it and you’re masochistic enough to want to, you may want to save the rest of this column for later.

Lesson One: If the climax of your film is built around a “startling revelation,” it is generally considered good if that revelation is not evident in the first scene. About two minutes after the opening credits ended I realized I already knew the Secret of the Planet of the Apes, and Marky Mark hadn’t even left the space station yet.

Lesson Two: Try to use a little logic while constructing a film. Granted, not every film has to be a masterpiece, but am I the only one who finds it difficult to believe that some massive taxpayer-built space station has no method to detect someone stealing a spacecraft until it’s actually outside the station?

Lesson Three: They are called “laws” of physics for a reason. Albert Einstein would be very interested in a spacecraft that can travel the distance between Saturn and Earth in about seven seconds. Even that slowpoke light takes a few hours and heavier objects (defined as “matter”) would take years.

Lesson Four: Slipping in an inside joke is fine, if you know when to use them. Having characters repeat memorable lines from the original “Apes” movie could have been cute, but doing so when a character is on his deathbed in what is allegedly an emotional scene sort of ruins any effect the director was trying to create and makes viewers want to beat him with pogo sticks.

Lesson Five: The line “Can’t we all just get along?” is never funny. Never. It wasn’t funny when Burton used it in Mars Attacks six years ago and it isn’t funny now. If, four thousand years from now, that line is inserted in a movie about plucky humans trying to rebel against their alien masters, it still won’t be funny.

Lesson Six: A twist ending must be surprising yet still make sense in the context of the film. “Twist” does not mean you end the movie with a nonsensical joke that nobody who has graduated sixth grade would find amusing.

Lesson Seven: Yes, characterization is important. For example, if a character has no lines until the beginning of the third act and then turns into a 14-year-old Braveheart all of a sudden, that is bad characterization. If a character abandons a belief system he has held dear his entire life, a belief system which just came true as far as he’s concerned, and betrays his best friend at the word of someone who was just trying to kill him, even if that someone is right, that is bad characterization. And most importantly, if the movie is halfway over before the audience discovers that any of the main characters have names, that is bad characterization.

Come back to us, Tim. You made good movies before. You can make good movies again.

Just don’t make another one of these.

Blake M. Petit hopes that if they ever make a sequel to this movie… oh, heck, he just hopes they never make a sequel to this movie. He invites anyone with comments, suggestions or a machine that can wipe this film from his memory to contact him at

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