It should come as no surprise to anyone that I’m a big fan of Christmas music. Just ask Erin — the day after Thanksgiving we got in the car only for her to discover that my iPod had already been thoroughly Kringled. I’ve got a pretty substantial library of Christmas music saved up on the computer, and when that happens, there are bound to be several versions of the same song. I’ve got lots of Rudolphs, several Frosties, a good number of O Holy Nights… but the song I seem to have more variations of than any other is that perennial classic, The 12 Days of Christmas.
After a quick perusal of my iTunes library I count no less than 15 variations of this song, and I thought it’d be interesting to run them down today in the Christmas Party. First of all, let me point out that the “12 Days” in question actually refer to the Liturgical calendar — the 12 days of the Church’s Christmas Season. It actually begins on December 25 and counts down to the celebration of the Epiphany (a.k.a. “Twelfth Night”) on January 6. Which is also the day St. Nicholas and his helpers make visits to a number of countries — he doesn’t actually do it all on Christmas Eve. But I’m getting off topic.
I think I know why this song gets recorded (seemingly) more than any other. It’s easy. All you’ve got to do is come up with different “gifts” for the twelve days and, BAM, you’ve got a Christmas novelty song. And in fact, none of the variations of the song I have on iTunes are a “straight” version. Because let’s face it, the “straight” version of the song is unbearably boring. The only versions I have that actually use the original lyrics are performed by the Chipmunks, the Looney Tunes, and John Denver with the Muppets (the last of those being my favorite).
Changing the gifts, of course, is a common theme to create variety in the song. Versions I have that do this include:
- The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the Turtles apparently gave Splinter “a pizza with pepper-o-ni.”)
- The Smurfs (“a star on top of my tree”).
- Kay DeKalb Smith from the album Humbug! Christmas Songs For the Scrooge in Your Life (in which Ebenezer Scrooge gave “a Partridge Family LP”.)
- Bob and Doug McKenzie‘s version — one of my favorites for this line only: “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… a beer.” They don’t even try to fit the rhyme scheme.
- Redneck 12 Days of Christmas, courtesy of Jeff Foxworthy, in which he got “some parts to a Mustang GT.”
- Firefly’s 12 Days of Christmas, in which Julesong pays tribute to one of the greatest dead science fiction TV shows by wishing for “a big damn trilogy.”
- Heavy Metal Christmas, courtesy of Twisted Sister, which features someone receiving “A tattoo of Ozzy.” (Which Erin and I had to listen to through day eight to understand.)
Then there are the ones that abandon the “gift” concept and just go crazy.
- The 12 Yats of Christmas, by Benny Grunch and the Bunch, is a New Orleans-area perennial. It starts with “a crawfish they caught in Arabie” and moves down to an increasingly intoxicated singer with his “Six pack of Dixie [beer]” and an increasingly frustrated house decorator trying to put up the tree “before you drive me nuts.”
- The 12 Pains of Christmas, a classic by Bob Rivers, documents Yuletide headaches from “finding a Christmas tree” to “singing Christmas carols.” This one just gets funnier with every verse.
- The 12 Gifts of Christmas by Alan Sherman is in a similar vein, beginning with “A Japanese transistor radio” and counting out 11 more gifts no one in their right mind would ever want.
- The 12 Days of Clonemas is a parody by JC Hutchins based on his epic 7th Son  novel series, which is very funny, but probably only if you’ve listened to the book.
And finally, the Reduced Shakespeare Company has the 12 Tips of Christmas, which isn’t actually a song, but uses the 12 days conceit, so I’ll count it. Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor and Matthew Croake offer such tips as trying to get David Cassidy as your Partridge in your Pear Tree and picking up Ishtar as your Christmas turkey.
So I’m counting 180 Days of Christmas just on my iPod alone. Which versions have I forgotten, friends?
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